Slow and Steady Wins the Race

My new motto is “take it slowly.”

Relationships are not meant to be rushed and there’s no reason for them to be. Been there, done that. It’s not that rushed relationships will never work, because sometimes they do. Of course there’s always a chance that the two of you really are meant to be together and no matter how quickly or slowly you take it, it’s going to work. Ex #2 and I met on a Saturday, had a 2-hour phone conversation on Monday, went on a date on Tuesday, and saw each other Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. And that relationship worked for almost 3 years.

But then there was a guy I dated where things also went ridiculously quickly. He didn’t live in the area so it’s not like we saw each other every day, but we talked on the phone a lot and e-mailed constantly. He told me how much he liked me way before he even really knew me. It felt fun and exciting to me, so I just went with it. Then one weekend he was visiting me and I realized I didn’t really like him. I liked the excitement of the beginning of the relationship; just not him. And that was sort of a problem.

And then I realized that I hadn’t even really taken the time to get to know him and to sort out my feelings about him. I just jumped into it and enjoyed the rush of getting to know someone and having them really like me. I was letting him take things at the speed he wanted to and was just going with it.  Breaking things off with him was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do because he had no idea I wasn’t really into it.

Now I know I have my own limits and need to practice them rather than letting the guy direct exactly where the relationship is going to go. And I might take some time to figure out how I really feel about someone and that’s OK. Because it does take time to get to know someone and to work out your feelings. You can’t really be sure right away because you can’t know all of someone right away. If you think you are sure, it’s just pure luck if you’re right. And I’d rather count on my own common sense than pure luck. I can be pretty smart, if I just take my time.

For more advice on dating and how to make sure you’re with the right person, check out April’s dating and relationship tips.