What Is Too Much Information?

Advice on How Much Information to Share with Your Date

Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Advice Seeker: Dear April Masini,

I’ve been on a couple dates with a guy I really like and I need some advice. The problem is, he wants to know what about him initially caught my eye. I told him it was his nice smile, but honestly it was the sizeable bulge in his trousers. Should I come clean?

Sincerely,

Do You Really Wanna Know Why I'm Attracted To You?

April Masini's advice:

Dear Searching for a Sizable Answer,

No. Not unless all you're looking for is a sexualrelationship. But if you want a healthy, well-rounded relationship, you're going to have to tell a white lie. FOR NOW! Since it's only been a few dates, you don't have a big investment in this relationship, and if you want it to grow, you're going to have to act like more than just a one night stand or a friend with benefits -- light on the friend part of that title. Some women make the mistake of forging full speed into a sexual arena too early in the relationship, and then they wonder why all he wants is sex. Well -- it's really all you offered! Don't get me wrong -- flirt away, look sexy, act sexy, but if you want more than sex in a relationship, you're going to have to show him more than sex -- starting with the answer to his question -- what about him initially caught your eye.

Now, here's advice on how to tell the truth without telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth... You can tell him that his sexual magnetism was a really strong pull for you. See how that can be sexy without being explicit or crass? You can tell him that there was just something about him ... Sometimes what's left to the imagination is much sexier than words. Or you could flip it around and ask him what caught his eye about you? There's an art to conversation. It's creative. You don't have to answer questions like you're taking a multiple-choice exam.

But, in time come clean -- and this will happen if the relationship develops because intimacy is supported and fostered by honesty. And if things are going well, you’ll want to be honest about everything. However, wait until six months have passed and everything else is going well. After that amount of dating, there should be some trust in the relationship so that he knows that even though you were sexually attracted to him at the time of your first meeting, it wasn't that that kept you around. It was the whole package. So to speak. It's important to have a healthy relationship before you start objectifying your partner. Also, think about the flip side. What if the reason he was attracted to you was your big breasts? Or your ample booty? How would you feel knowing that? For some women it would be fine. For others not so fine. Now, put yourself in his shoes.

Honesty is really important, but you don't have to reveal EVERYTHING on a first or second date. In fact, you really shouldn't. Early dating is about getting to know someone and to see if you want to invest more time getting to know the rest of them and letting them get to know the rest of you. However, there are certain admissions that may be dealbreakers and you should always divulge the following:

You're married.

You just got divorced. Yesterday.

You have children.

You're pregnant.

And if you're still not sure what to say and what not to say ....

Try not to lie at all. At the same time, use your manners. This means don't tell a man that the first thing that really caught your eye about him was the bulge in his pants. Unless you just want sex. It doesn't usually lead to long and healthy relationship. If that's your thing!

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April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.