Dating Tips: Do You Really Wanna Know Why I'm Attracted To You?

Advice on How Much Information to Share with Your Date

Advice Seeker: Dear April,

I’ve been on a couple dates with a guy I really like and I need some advice. The problem is, he wants to know what about him initially caught my eye. I told him it was his nice smile, but honestly it was the sizeable bulge in his trousers. Should I come clean?

Sincerely,

Searching for a Sizeable Answer

April Masini's advice:

Dear Searching for a Sizable Answer,

No. Not unless all you're looking for is a sexual relationship. But if you want a healthy, well-rounded relationship, you're going to have to tell a white lie. FOR NOW! Since it's only been a few dates, you don't have a big investment in this relationship, and if you want it to grow, you're going to have to act like more than just a one night stand or a friend with benefits -- light on the friend part of that title. Some women make the mistake of forging full speed into a sexual arena too early in the relationship, and then they wonder why all he wants is sex. Well -- it's really all you offered! Don't get me wrong -- flirt away, look sexy, act sexy, but if you want more than sex in a relationship, you're going to have to show him more than sex -- starting with the answer to his question -- what about him initially caught your eye.

Now, here's advice on how to tell the truth without telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so don't use this in court! You can tell him that his sexual magnetism was a really strong pull for you. See how that can be sexy without being explicit or crass? You can tell him that there was just something about him ... Sometimes what's left to the imagination is much sexier than words. Or you could flip it around and ask him what caught his eye about you? There's an art to conversation. It's creative. You don't have to answer questions like you're taking a multiple-choice exam.

But, in time come clean -- and this will happen if the relationship develops because intimacy is supported and fostered by honesty. And if things are going well, you’ll want to be honest about everything. However, wait until six months have passed and everything else is going well. After that amount of dating, there should be some trust in the relationship so that he knows that even though you were sexually attracted to him at the time of your first meeting, it wasn't that that kept you around. It was the whole package. So to speak. It's important to have a healthy relationship before you start objectifying your partner. Also, think about the flip side. What if the reason he was attracted to you was your big breasts? Or your ample booty? How would you feel knowing that? For some women it would be fine. For others not so fine. Now, put yourself in his shoes.