My Boyfriend And I Want To Spice Up Our Sex Life

Threesomes for Better Sex?

Advice Seeker: Dear April,

I’ve always wanted to try a threesome but never know how to bring it up with the girls I date. Do I need to wait until I find "the one" and gain her trust, and then ask? Or is it better to do it early on in a relationship? I’ve tried talking to a few girls about it but once I bring it up, they seem to get scared off and then I never hear from them again. Do you have any advice for how I know the time is right to bring up the idea of a threesome?

Sincerely,

Is Three Too Many?

April Masini's advice:

Dear Is Three Too Many?,

The best way to approach the threesome topic:

* Before you're engaged.

* Before you're serious about your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Sexual threesomes are fine as long as they're just about sex, but the reality is that for women, sex is never just about the sex, and for most men this is also true. Sex leads to emotional feelings, and it's very difficult to have a conventional relationship with three people, so if you can keep your threesome confined to your "sowing your wild oats" part of your life, rather than introduce it to your committed, long-term relationship, you will have less problems in your relationship.

Choosing a good third party:

* Choose someone who is physically and mentally healthy. This is key.

* Choose someone who is very single. You don't want an angry boyfriend or husband finding out about this and coming after you later. Same goes for an angry girlfriend or wife.

* Be honest that this is not a relationship. It's sport.

How to know if you're ready for this type of experimentation:

* You're not married or in a committed relationship.

* You're healthy in every way.

* You've got a good support system around you.

What to do when things go wrong:

* Accept that things are not fixable.

* End relationships with your third person.

* Be prepared to lose your relationship with your second person.

Threesomes are not for most people, and I don't advocate them at all. If you have the need for sex with two other people or more, there's probably something else going on in your life that you're not acknowledging and that needs addressing.

Threesomes can damage relationships and should never be practiced when any of the parties involved have custody of children.

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