Relationship Advice: Christmas Couple Etiquette

Tips Introducing Your Date During the Holidays

Advice Seeker: Dear April,

My boyfriend is coming home with me to meet my family during the holidays. He's a great guy but this is his first serious relationship and I am worried that he won't know what to do in party situations with my family. (For example, I am always the one to buy the bottle of wine when we go to a friend's for dinner.) What are some etiquette tips I should make him aware of, and what do we need to discuss beforehand?

Sincerely,

Nervous Christmas Couple

April Masini's advice:

Dear Christmas Couple,

Meeting your honey’s family for the first time, can be stressful and make you nervous ... and you’re probably not the only one who’s nervous. Introducing a boyfriend or girlfriend to your family for the first time is a major step in any relationship that announces, "We’re serious."

No one should introduce a boyfriend to your family unless this is someone you want to go all the way with -- and I DON’T mean sex. I mean marriage or a long term, committed relationship. If you’re not serious about him, don’t bring him home to meet the family -- unless it’s in a group of your friends who are coming for dinner.

Things you can do to make a great first impression and to be sure the meeting goes smoothly:

1. Discuss a hostess gift with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Some guys don’t know that they should bring a gift to your mother. Educate him. Tell him what she would really like. Or what your dad would like. If this is a holiday gathering, a fail safe gift is a holiday plant like a Poinsettia, or festive centerpiece, also great are a box of goodies for the entire family. If the family loves music, he might want to burn them a compilation of great holiday songs, which is very thoughtful, and they can put it on the stereo and have something to listen to and talk about. Regardless of what it is, when he shows up at the door with a big gift basket, a bunch of CDs that he either bought or burned himself, the attention will be on the gift, and you can avoid any awkward getting to know you silences or not quite knowing what to say.

2. If anyone in the family is alcoholic, recovering from something like an eating disorder, drug abuse, or has a chronic illness, or a new divorce, you should let your boyfriend know so he doesn’t show up with a case of wine as a gift or make jokes about dying or any other topic that may be off color given the circumstances.