Relationship Advice - Hairy Breakup

Tips for Dumping Your Hair Stylist without the Guilt

Advice Seeker: Dear April,

I've been thinking it's time for a new hair stylist for quite some time, and mine just raised her prices, providing me with the perfect incentive to leave. I don't dislike my hair, but it's hard to get an appointment with her, and I am stuck in a hair rut that I feel can only be fixed if I go to a new stylist.

Still, I feel really guilty about this. She's been my hairdresser for five years and she's always been really great. She hasn't done anything wrong, and if I can't find a new hair stylist I will probably want to go back to her. I've been losing sleep over this. (My husband thinks I'm ridiculous.) Am I crazy, and if not, do you have any tips for how I can "dump" my hair stylist?!

Sincerely,

Time for a Change

April Masini's advice:

Dear Time for a Change,

Men like your husband would never feel guilt about breaking up with a hairstylist. Men would blame the hairstylist for not being good enough, cheap enough or convenient enough. But somehow, women end up taking care of other people instead of themselves. A good haircut is important, and you should go to the best hairdresser for you!

Here are some tips for dumping your hairdresser:

* Upfront break up. This is very hard for most people to do because it requires honesty and takes into account feelings. Forget about graduating medical school or raising a child -- honesty and accountability for feelings are the hardest things in the world for many people. If you have the courage, tell your hairdresser that you are going to be trying someone new and you want to thank them for everything that they've done for you. That's IT. You don't have to go into a big explanation or surge of guilt about your actions. Just telling someone what you're doing and doing it in a positive way sends a message of respect to them. You respect yourself, your decision and the hairstylist you're leaving enough to be upfront with them.

That said, don't expect everyone else to be as high road as you are. Some hairdressers will be angry, hurt or vindictive. You can't control their feelings, but if that is who they are, then you're better off with someone else.

* Don't ask don't tell. The mysterious absence will send your hairstylist the message that you've sent someone else. You can avoid them so you never have to discuss it. Or you can just smile when you see them and act like nothing's happened. There is nothing wrong with this method if you're not wracked with guilt. The truth is your relationship with your hairstylist is a business transaction. Unless you invite them to your Thanksgiving dinner and your Christmas party at your home, they're not really your friend. They're someone you do business with. You don't owe them anything more than paying the bill for your services and to be polite, as you would to anyone.

* The casual hi and bye. If you can wrap your head around the fact that people do leave their hair dressers and you are not the first or last person to leave a hairdresser, then you can accept that this is the way the world works, and your leaving a hairdresser is not worthy of a news flash. Be polite. mention that you're seeing someone else who's closer (or less expensive), and that you hope things are going well for them -- when you see them. Or if you pass by the shop you can stop in and say hello and wish them well, briefly. But it's just not cancer. It's a hair cut and color.