The Importance Of Family Dinners

Eating Together Teaches Value of Family, Manners and More

Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Advice Seeker: Dear April Masini,

I am a working mother with two children, one in elementary school and one in middle school. This year, our schedule has gotten crazy. The kids are in 10 different places every day after school and we can't even get through dinner without cell phones going off. To make matters worse, my younger daughter has become conscious of the idea of meat formerly being an animal and every week has a tantrum about a different dish I make.

Dinner in our house has become so hectic that I've taken to making separate dishes for everyone and feeding them whenever they are hungry; we rarely sit down together anymore. I feel pangs of motherly guilt, but we do bond in other ways on the weekends. What do you think? Can the modern family just eliminate what I have come to see as the miserable family dinner tradition?

Signed,

Giving Up

April Masini's advice:

Dear Giving Up,

I don't agree with your perspective that family dinner time is an expendable experience. It seems that you are frustrated about the logistics that accompany dinner, which is understandable. Things have certainly gotten more difficult between busy schedules and technology, and it's understandable that you are about to give up on the whole idyllic dinner table scene.

But before you do that, I have some ideas for you to "take back dinner time."

Dinner time is important. It is important for the family and it is important for the child’s development.

How the food gets to the table is not as important as getting food to the table and getting everyone to the table at the same time for a meal a day.

Don't Have Time to Cook?

It doesn’t matter if parents cook, take out, cater or have a chef. The bottom line is that families should eat one meal a day together, in a civilized fashion to provide their families with a channel for communication and their children with a model of socialization.

Dealing with Your Picky Eater

Picky eaters are less of a problem than the way parents handle picky eaters. There is no way that Mom should make more than one meal at a time. This sends a message to the child that they can run the show, and children have to learn some degree of compromise as a tool that they can take out into the world.

If parents have picky eaters in their families, the trick is to provide a dinner that has an entree, two side dishes and a salad and/or bread. This way everyone has SOMETHING to eat. A child is not going to die if they only eat the salad and bread at dinner. Other meals during the day can compensate for not eating protein or calcium or whatever they miss at one meal.

Other Ideas

If one meal a day together is not feasible, then set that as a goal, and have as many meals as possible together during a week.

In addition, invite guests to dinner. It is important for children to see that manners are not just practiced at their own homes, but at other peoples’ homes, too. Dinner time should not be a prison, but it should be a structured way to communicate and celebrate food, family, and community.

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April Masini -- nicknamed "the new millennium's Dear Abby" by the media, is author of the best-selling books Date Out Of Your League and Think & Date Like A Man, the two (just released) step-by-step dating and relationship manuals, Ideas for a Fun Date and Romantic Date Ideas, and the critically acclaimed dating and relationship online magazine www.AskApril.com.