Infidelity in the past- now prego don't know what to do

[dgirl91]

Please read in full and try not to judge me, i just need some advice.
Here it goes...
I met my boyfriend three years ago. We did not meet on right terms. Nor, did our relationship start out right.
This is how it all started:
3 years ago on May 22 I met this wonderful guy not knowing things would be sour later. Soon after we met we really hit it off. Except he had a girlfriend that didn't take "I don't want to be with you" for real. Myself, In a relationship that so happened to be in an open long distance relationship. I will try to word this so it doesn't take a couple of weeks to completely read. Well he finally got to break up with this girl that wouldn't take what she heard him say seriously. I broke up with my boyfriend. Then a month later after we where dating I had a problem spring up from one of my ex's girlfriends. Apparently I got my ex bf in trouble with the law and his entire family has a price on my head so i do what any normal person would do and i flee the city with some guy willing to get me out of there. I was on drugs at the time of all different sorts and where the drugs where i followed at any price. So I cheat on this guy that's back in the city i fled from and cheat on him. came back 3months later and got back into contact with him. while i was gone he ended up getting onto probation and going in and out of jail. So when he was in jail (i thought he left me)and i "cheated 20ish more times" He finds out and ends up forgiving me just to find out he was cheating on me also, but we decided to "work things out". So it just got worse from there.
A year ago I quit my cheating ways along with drugs which greatly influenced me to cheat occasionally to get them. We made up an agreement that I don't talk to guys and he doesn't talk to girls. Yes, I made a few slips up and talked to a couple trying to get them to get the hell away from me. know and behold 18months in he tackled me one time and hit me a couple times also.(enraged still that i cheated on him and still kept lying because i was afraid to tell the complete truth cause of previous relationships) He felt terrible doing those things to me still to this day. and hasn't touched me that way since. Then emotional abuse comes when he thinks of my past.

present day: I am now 7months pregnant with his child. And he wants to leave me because he still doesn't trust me and everyone i know could even tell you that I've worked so hard that I'm turning into an emotional wreck because he cant trust me and my guilt and his pain and anger eating away at my very existence.
Being pregnant and stressed all the time sucks eggs. I love him so deeply I have no clue in what to do. I prove myself to him day in and day out and he still doesn't see it, he also said that i have done nothing only little things. I'm to the point of quitting on everything. Little things meaning putting up with him, myself cutting many many people out of my life, drugs and cheating lying and not talking to men or anyone associated with them. It feels as though i gave up everything and still am and he doesn't even care. It feels he finds me less attractive because i don't want to please him in a sexual manner. Its not that i don't want to 1. I'm pregnant 2.i don't find myself attractive and also from what I've done to him. I'm so ashamed of myself i don't want to please myself or anyone. the reason why i said this last part is because i think he wants to leave me cause he doesn't get much whoopy and he visited his brother and admitted that he was checking out dating sites then thought about what he did and deleted them and is contemplating in if he did the right thing staying with me or not.

anyone want to help me out? I'm still in the phase of "I love him but is it really worth all the heartache, and should i give up, what else can i do to prove to him that I'm faithful and trust worthy."
any advice, comments on what to do cause I'm stuck.
Later d

[April Masini]

Your best bet is leaving your boyfriend and not having any contact with him whatsoever. You need a fresh start, especially since you're about to be a new mother and have a history riddled with drug abuse, criminal issues, and challenges that many addicted people have.

You need to NOT have a boyfriend at all right now, and to get support that you will very much need as a new mother. If you feel that giving the child up for adoption is an option, because you may not be able to kick the drugs, I hope that you'll consider that.

Since your boyfriend has "tackled you" in the past, find a battered woman's shelter, and ask for support. Or go to your local church and see if there's a shelter where you can get a living situation as well as appropriate medical and counseling for your pregnancy and impending birth.

Your problems are way more than infidelity -- in fact, that's really just a polite way for saying you're in denial about the drug abuse, criminal and legal problems and possible sexual addiction you have. Without passing any judgment, I sincerely wish you'd forget this guy right now and get him out of your life, so that YOU can get the help you need as a pregnant woman. You cannot do this alone. You need to change your life, and the people in it, and you need help and support of a sober community and new friends to do this.

I hope that helps. I'd like to hear that you're healthy and happy one day.

[dgirl91]

Your best bet is leaving your boyfriend and not having any contact with him whatsoever. You need a fresh start, especially since you're about to be a new mother and have a history riddled with drug abuse, criminal issues, and challenges that many addicted people have.

You need to NOT have a boyfriend at all right now, and to get support that you will very much need as a new mother. If you feel that giving the child up for adoption is an option, because you may not be able to kick the drugs, I hope that you'll consider that.

Since your boyfriend has "tackled you" in the past, find a battered woman's shelter, and ask for support. Or go to your local church and see if there's a shelter where you can get a living situation as well as appropriate medical and counseling for your pregnancy and impending birth.

Your problems are way more than infidelity -- in fact, that's really just a polite way for saying you're in denial about the drug abuse, criminal and legal problems and possible sexual addiction you have. Without passing any judgment, I sincerely wish you'd forget this guy right now and get him out of your life, so that YOU can get the help you need as a pregnant woman. You cannot do this alone. You need to change your life, and the people in it, and you need help and support of a sober community and new friends to do this.

I hope that helps. I'd like to hear that you're healthy and happy one day.

I have been clean for almost 2years and no way am i going back to drugs

[dgirl91]

I have been clean/off all drugs for almost two years. and i do not hang out with the same people i used too. I have very few friends but the ones i do have support me completely, My boyfriend doesn't do drugs and is not doing crime at all anymore. He has not put his hands on me whatsoever after that, he also has turned himself in and has made segnificant changes. I have heard of that abusers are always abusers. It's more so now emotional abuse and he doesn't realise that he is doing it. But in my heart what he says that hurts me he doesn't mean to sound like that. If any one this helps further please let me know. I have thought about leaving him and i will if he puts hands on myself or our child and i willnot go back to him. I'm giving him a chance and a "deadline" if he doesn't "notice" i will leave him.

[April Masini]

You're in denial about your situation. Until you realize that, my advice I've given you is the best I can do. I wish you well.

[dgirl91]

thank you april

[April Masini]

You bet. Good luck.