How To Avoid Catching Feelings In A Friends With Benefits Relationship
By Contributing Advice Expert View more articles
How to Avoid Catching Feelings in a Friends With Benefits Relationship
Within the world friends with benefits (FWB), there’s not much that is off limits. You can experiment sexually with your FWB, you can drunk sext your FWB, and you can even bootycall your FWB for a 3am romp without causing problems. There is, however, one huge rule that every pair of FWB’s must adhere to: Never catch feelings. The entire purpose of having a friend-with-benefits is to enjoy casual sex without the weight of the emotional baggage that often comes with a relationship. There is virtually no responsibility and all of the physical benefit, making a FWB seem like a very attractive way to enjoy sexual contact. However, we are only human after all, and human beings are prone to catching feelings when engaging in intimate activity. That’s why having a FWB is a risky situation. When you catch feelings for your FWB, what previously felt like a royal flush begins to feel like a bad hand, and you spend more time bluffing than you do cashing in. It’s in invitation for jealousy, sadness, and anxiety to derail an otherwise fun situation. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t play with the FWB fire, because when it goes right, it goes so right. There are simply some precautions you should take in order to enjoy a good fuck and avoid feeling fucked over. Here are some FWB do’s and don’ts!
Do make your intentions clear
First and foremost, you and your FWB must have a legitimate conversation about the fact that the relationship is strictly no-strings-attached sex. If both parties are not on the same page from the get-go, you leave too much to chance. People often think that having that conversation is insensitive and could potentially ruin the mood; however, in actuality, the contrary is true. Once the FWB status of the relationship is out in the open, the fun can really begin without any unwanted anxiety.
Here are a couple additional resources for how to keep your intentions clear in a FWB relationship:
Successful Fuck Buddies Talk About How They Kept It Casual – Vice
Casual Sex: Just The Tips – BuddyBang
Don’t pillow talk
Pillow talk is a mistake that many FWB pairs make because it’s all too easy to fall into a romantic conversation after great sex and a phermone exchange. In fact, studies suggest that the post-coital release of Oxytocin can make people feel emotionally attached to their sexual partners. That is why pillow talk, or sharing intimate thoughts after sex, is such a popular phenomenon. Don’t get caught up in the cuddle-moment. There’s no reason to tell your FWB about anything serious going on in your life. Keep everything light, casual, and surface level.
Do drunk text
Your FWB knows that he/she is a bootycall, so don’t be afraid to text your FWB after you’ve had a few brews. Don’t be annoying about it by placing multiple unanswered calls, but know that the beauty of a no-strings-attached relationship means the right to request sex at times when you feel the urge.
Don’t text just to say hi
Texting your FWB for a reason other than sex is a no-no. If you find yourself wanting to simply ‘check in’ on your FWB, you may want to examine how you actually feel about him/her. Remember that a FWB has no emotional responsibility to you and doesn’t have to answer any text. Avoiding the ‘check-in’ text altogether is a sound way to keep the relationship feelings-proof.
Do protect yourself
Always wear protection, no matter what! Because your FWB is not emotionally responsible for you and is likely having casual sex with other people, you’ll want to make sure that you are keeping yourself safe from STDs and STIs. If your FWB refuses to allow you to protect the relationship, you should cut it off. Great sex is never worth an STI and fuckbuddies are replacable.
Don’t introduce your FWB to friends
Intertwining your FWB into your daily life by introducing him/her to friends is going to complicate the relationship. In order to protect your feelings, you’ll want to keep those worlds separate. Don’t give your FWB a chance to get close with your friends because it could bring them into your regular circles. Bumping into a FWB when you aren’t expecting it is usually pretty uncomfortable.
Do experiment in bed
The perfect place to start sexually experimenting is in bed with a FWB. Your FWB knows that you are there to gain sexual pleasure, so don’t be afraid to ask him/her if he/she is willing to test any of the kinky things you’ve been dying to try. If your FWB is down, you have nothing to lose! A FWB should be someone that allows you to feel sexually free, giving you the liberty to do things in bed that you’ve never done before.
You may believe that this goes without saying, but you’d be surprised at how many FWB pairs accidentally slip into different forms of dating. For example, fuckbuddies may innocently meet to grab something to eat before they have sex, or want to meet at a bar to ease some tension. Meeting in a public setting and subsequently having sex is a more of a date than it is a night with an FWB. Limit the acitvities you do with your FWB to your/his/her home. It’s ok to Netflix and chill or even order some food, but don’t move your relationship to a public space.