Your Ex Is Your Ex For A Reason
By Contributing Advice Expert View more articles
You’re home alone on a Saturday night and hear a song that reminds you of your now-ex. Before you know it, you’re checking them out on social media networks, and longing to have them back. You pick up your phone; start constructing a casual text, asking how they are… No!
Drop that phone, or use it to have a little fun playing online blackjack instead. Here’s what you need to print out and reread every time your fingers get itchy and you reach out to text or talk:
Your Breakup Didn’t Just Happen
When you’re in the throes of agony it can be easy to forget why you broke up, but that doesn't mean there wasn’t a good reason. Even if the decision was mutual, which it very rarely is, no matter what we say, something made you both decide to go your separate ways.
Sit down and make yourself remember these: write them down, put them on a Post-It, and stick it somewhere you can see it. It’s called a breakup because it’s broken, and it’s going to go a lot easier on you as soon as you make a point of remembering this.
Time Apart Doesn't Solve Anything
You may hope that taking a break from each other after your relationship has ended means that there’s an option that you will both come back to the party a little wiser, a little stronger, and a little more mature.
You won’t. People who are in love stay together till they are old and grey. They don’t need time apart. It’s really as simple as that: you broke up because you weren’t right for each other.
It’s a Relationship, Not a Train Station
Your ex doesn't get to waltz back in and out of your life as they please! Log into your email and review all the messages you exchanged with friends and family about how much they hurt you. Reread your journal entries from that period and remember the damage they did.
It’s Easy to Misremember the Bad Times
That’s the tricky thing with time: the very thing that’s going to get you through this breakup is what may be helping you forget just how bad the bad times were! Time dulls pain, and you may find yourself looking back with rose-coloured glasses as you nostalgically review the best parts of what’s been. Don’t fall for it. Your memories are not the truth - rather play some pokies online and distract yourself till the moment passes.
People Don’t Really Change
Your ex may rock up at your door, claiming to have seen the light, and undergone the changes you wish they’d made while you were still together. They may see why you shouldn’t have been paying all the bills all the time, or why they should’ve helped a little more around the house, but they probably haven’t. They are telling you what you want to hear, in order to get what they want: you.
People don’t suddenly realise what you’re worth when you’re gone: you were always a loving, kind, funny, caring individual who opened your heart and life to someone else. It didn’t work out, and that’s ok, because one day it will, with the right person, and that person will treat you the way you deserve to be treated from Day 1.