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How To Spice Up Your Sex Life

How To Spice Up Your Sex Life

By Sex Therapist, Dr. Diana Wiley View more articles

Do you want to be an A+ lover? Go to the head of your partner's class with my carnal curriculum. This may prove to be lusty learning!


Course objective: To study directors hottest lovemaking tricks and incorporate them into your own bedroom seduction scenes.

- Set the stage.You can prepare any room for seduction by setting only the most flattering lights  no white bulbs. Colored bulbs, in amber or pink, placed in a corner or on the floor can provide more flattering lighting. Or, just throw a scarf over the lamp to give the room a desirable dusky quality. Candlelight, of course, creates a more romantic setting. You must also cue the right music.

- Bring in the props. The first rule of propping a set for sex is that clutter kills the ambiance. So, relocate anything in the bedroom that isn't related to sleeping or sex. A bunch of soft, mushy pillows are nice. Perhaps the most important props are your sex toys! In your toy box you will want to have a lube, condoms if necessary, a favorite vibrator, a dildo, other favorite toys you might want to experiment with, a book of erotic stories, and erotic videos.

- Do a wardrobe check. As a woman, you should use lingerie perfectly suited to your body type. Lots of men love a garter belt and stockings! You can transform and arouse yourself with a strip-tease watching the lusty face of your partner. Tease him, tease him!


Course objective: To learn the proven principles of pleasure that govern the physical force field.

Yes, it's true: what goes up must come down. But how do you become an Einstein of ecstasy?

- Vibration triggers heightened sensation. A tapping touch can activate more nerves than a flat touch. Using a small vibrator on the under-side of a guy's penis can also be thrilling.

- Stop-and-go strokes keep desire stoked. Bodies in motion stay in motion and bodies at rest stay at rest, but bodies that do both take pleasure to a higher level. Stopping and starting a sensation will be a turn-on faster than steady tactile sensation. Here's an example: you are gently kneading your partner's buttocks, stop for a minute and then resume the touching. It will feel better than it did before!

- Opposite forces magnify pleasure. The further apart two sensations are on the tactile spectrum (think: slap and tickle, scratch and caress), the more mind-blowing it will feel than when you do them back-to-back. The cool-hot collision can be a real turn-on; for example: an Altoid in the mouth with a lube that heats up when you blow on it will heat up your partner!


Course objective: To learn about goal-oriented versus circular sex in which you can play the part having the performance of your life!

I like to remind people that sex does not have to have a beginning, a middle and an end. Focusing on the journey, not just the destination, can be so pleasurable!

- Play the part. It is necessary to conquer stage fright and learn how to deliver your hottest lines ever. With practice and sensate focus (being very sensual and in the moment), you can lose your self-consciousness about saying the words. More evolved women, especially, are able to say how they want to be touched, what they need. In general, more articulate lovers are more confident and satisfied lovers. Without the words, it is like going on a treasure hunt without the clues.

- Have the performance of your life. Fulfilling your erotic potential and getting the most out of your leading man or woman is so HOT! Experiment with different types of touches, different sexual positions. Watch erotic videos because we can learn a lot visually.

Once you've learned these lusty lessons, you have more sexual possibilities. So, grab your partner and celebrate with an all-nighter that's sure to teach him or her a lesson or two never to be forgotten!

Dr. Diana Wiley, has been a Board-Certified Sex Therapist, diplomat of the American Board of Sexology, a clinical Sexologist, and a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 20 years. Her extensive professional experience and views on sex and the erotic make her a true sex guru and evangelist, and her versatility and breadth of expertise have brought with them numerous spots on national television and radio programs—including her own popular broadcast, Live With Dr. Diana. She can be reached at

Dr Diana Wiley can be reached at

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