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My Boyfriend And I Want To Spice Up Our Sex Life Sex Toys

My Boyfriend And I Want To Spice Up Our Sex Life Sex Toys

By Sex Therapist, Dr. Diana Wiley View more articles

Do you keep toys in an erotic hope chest? If you are a woman, you probably do. (You may even have had your first orgasm using a vibrator). If you are a man, read on as I sing the praise of joy toys.

Men should encourage women to bring their sex toys out of the closet and into the open bed. Vibrators prove that while a man's penis may droop, his ministrations can go on forever. They can be a guy's pinch hitter and friend. So roll over, Red Rover, and let the vibrations take over.

One of worst lies our culture tells us is that good sex comes naturally and anything that enhances it diminishes the essential nature of the act. I don't know why. No one ever suggests that using a fork and a knife and a napkin and a plate diminishes the essential act of eating. You can, of course, eat your hunk of raw meat off the floor and still gain the basic benefits of consuming protein. But there's nothing wrong with dining, not even fine dining, and sex toys can turn good sex (especially for long-term couples) into great sex.

Sex toys are fun! Eskimos call sex "laughing time". Unfortunately, some tend to view sex as work – especially a guy with some performance anxiety ("I have a job to do here..."). Erotic tools are a way to jump-start passion and explore different ways of arousing each other. One of my male clients became comfortable with all of this, and declared, "Sex toys create exquisite sensations – with a vibrator, I've titillated my lover in ways I couldn't do with my body alone. I love bringing her to the peak of excitement and then keeping her there. We also use props – soft bondage cuffs and silk blindfolds – to act out erotic fantasies." This guy was completely over any embarrassment and completely into total pleasure!

What else can sex toys do for couples? The man mentioned above is a caring and enthusiastic lover, attentive to his partner's desires. No, he needs never to worry about being replaced by a vibrator! In fact, once a guy becomes comfortable with the idea of using a vibrator with his sexual partner, it can actually offer him several advantages:

  • It takes pressure off the man. If she hasn't climaxed during intercourse, she can have a vibrator-induced orgasm. He can use the sex toy to stimulate her; or he can watch, hold and caress her while she uses it on herself.
  • Men can try the vibrator on themselves. One model is the Magic Touch Kit-ring, a vibrating "cock ring" which can help an erection get or stay firm, and is good for partner play since it doubles as a "clit tickler.".
  • It adds excitement and variety. It becomes an excellent way to expand your sexual repertoire.

You and your partner can visit a local sex shop or browse through sexual products catalogues or go online (I like to get an idea of the variety of models available.

As you use your tools for love, be creative…Relax, keep your sense of humor, use your experience, and enjoy the results. Don't try to do it perfectly, just do it! Remember erotic toys are a way for grown-ups to play. Using props adds extra zing to sex, and also deepens the sense of trust and intimacy between lovers.

Dr. Diana Wiley, has been a Board-Certified Sex Therapist, diplomat of the American Board of Sexology, a clinical Sexologist, and a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 20 years. Her extensive professional experience and views on sex and the erotic make her a true sex guru and evangelist, and her versatility and breadth of expertise have brought with them numerous spots on national television and radio programs—including her own popular broadcast, Live With Dr. Diana. She can be reached at

Dr Diana Wiley can be reached at

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