Relationship Advice When Being Hot Just Isn T Enough
By Contributing Advice Expert View more articles
When it comes to dating we've all got baggage. Yes, some of our dates will carry more baggage, some less but we all carry baggage from past relationships, past hurts and past perceptions of ourselves and others. The key to having a successful dating career is to be able to spot someone else's unwanted baggage before it becomes our baggage. For example, a guy I met at a bar approached me and began to pursue me. He came in a nice looking package and told me right off the bat, "I have baggage." I heard his comment but I figured, "Yeah baggage...whatever." The implications of his comment did NOT register because he was H-O-T! At the time the hormones were racing and he seemed to be the perfect guy, however that gorgeous cover model of a man was actually trying to fill me and do me a favor by telling me that he had some baggage but... I just didn't want to acknowledge it. Turns out his baggage included an ex-wife and children. Which was too much for me.
In the heat of passion we rarely look at the long-term prospects and see what a new date's excess baggage could mean in our lives. That's key to being a dating success. It's important to try our best to figure out as early as possible what the baggage is, if the date doesn't come right out and tell us, and then decide whether or not we can live with it long-term.
The other key is to not let all OUR baggage hang out when we first meet someone. There's a time and place for that... In the beginning it's best to err on the side of conservativism rather than rehashing the pain and sorrows of past loves who left us...a mess.
When we're asked about our exes, and the oh so infamous "Why did you guys break up?" question comes up it's always best to answer, "We grew apart" rather than start unloading personal, painful baggage to a total stranger. No one wants to date someone who is bitter, nasty, still pining over an ex or badly in need of a therapist.
Personally I've played the role of therapist on many a date leaving exhausted and turned off to say the least. Next time I'm billing for my time, pain and suffering.
So... "just say no" to other people's offensive baggage, our past baggage, and promise to say bye, bye to people that have way too much baggage to date and mate you!