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Spice Up My Sex Life Masturbation

Spice Up My Sex Life Masturbation

By Sex Therapist, Dr. Diana Wiley View more articles

As millions of people can testify, masturbation is the most important sexual bond in the most important relationship you'll ever have. Reach out and touch yourself: It feels good, and there's no sin in that. Imagine an enthusiast pounding the pulpit and shouting, "Love thyself, damn it!" Many are uncomfortable with that idea. Centuries of religious propaganda has taken its toll.

Women, more than men, may need encouragement for how to throw a party for one. The National Health and Social Life survey reported that 58 percent of women don't indulge. And of those who do, 47 percent feel guilty.

Too bad , so sad, to feel guilt. Masturbation prepares you for great sex, since you learn what you like and can teach a partner. If a woman has trouble reaching orgasm, self-pleasuring may help with or without a vibrator. Vibrating sex toys can be a blessing because the continual vibration tends to break through resistances. How about for the guys? If a man wants to gain more ejaculatory control and manage rapid or delayed ejaculation, there are masturbation techniques that can help - (described in a video I will mention later). Yes, studies have shown that solo sex plays an important role in sexual development and growth.

Why fly solo? First of all, it feels good. You can give yourself pleasure whenever you want -- after a hard day, in the middle of a boring task, or just for fun. Second, you don't need a partner to do it. (But you don't always have to masturbate alone. Later, I will talk about how to share it). Third, as I previously noted, it can provide self-knowledge helping you know what feels good to you. Fourth, self-pleasuring is an absolutely safe way to explore your sexuality.

As a Sex Therapist, I adore exposing sexual myths. There is a notion that adults who masturbate are sexual failures who lack social skills to find sexual partners or that self-pleasuring is a behavior only for individuals who do not have partners or who are otherwise sexually deprived.

Not true! For example, it turns out that babes with boyfriends masturbate just as often as the single set. Married folks with hot sex lives also report a higher degree of self-pleasuring than those couples who have infrequent lovemaking. It must be something about the sex chemicals circulating in a lusty body! Masturbation is also a powerful aphrodisiac. According to research, wives who self-pleasure desire and enjoy sex more than those who don't. And, for single guys getting serious about a gal: if she doesn't masturbate, she may not know how she likes to be pleasured. Find out!

What about mutual masturbation or showing your lover how you do it? Sharing your self-knowledge with a partner can be intensely intimate and arousing for both of you. Demonstrating your solo preferences not only helps your partner understand how to stimulate you most effectively, it can also convey a profound sense of trust. It tells your lover that you're willing to risk exposing your most private experiences.

Truth be known, a guy might be really turned on by watching his lover. Why do you think most every porn video incorporates women masturbating? Most men love it! They get very aroused watching. So, as a couple, watch each other. It can be pretty sexy stuff. You get to see the other person take his or her erotic shape because everyone masturbates differently.

The men can even develop a totally new mind-set in the bedroom: Instead of thinking they're going to give their women an orgasm, they'd be much smarter if they thought they there to support her giving herself an orgasm.

A fabulous visual guide to all of this is on the DVD "A LOVER'S GUIDE TO SELF PLEASURING" found on BetterSex.com.  (I have not narrated this video -- but, I have participated in other SINCLAIR Sex Ed presentations).

In the end, the best thing about masturbation is that once you discover it, you realize you'll never be alone!

Dr. Diana Wiley, has been a Board-Certified Sex Therapist, diplomat of the American Board of Sexology, a clinical Sexologist, and a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 20 years. Her extensive professional experience and views on sex and the erotic make her a true sex guru and evangelist, and her versatility and breadth of expertise have brought with them numerous spots on national television and radio programs—including her own popular broadcast, Live With Dr. Diana. She can be reached at DrDiana@sbcglobal.net.

Dr Diana Wiley can be reached at DrDiana@sbcglobal.net.

For more on Dr. Diana Wiley please visit www.DrDianaWiley.com