Tips For Having More Sex And Better Sex
By Sex Therapist, Dr. Diana Wiley View more articles
If you are in a relationship, I promise this article will insure an increased frequency in sex and an improved quality of your encounters – which will lead to more intimacy, romance and happiness. Below are some tips and advice about your sexuality, as a couple, that will increase the interest and enjoyment of any sexual encounter for both of you.
Foreplay Begins Before You Walk In The Door!
For a number of men, foreplay may begin ten minutes before intercourse. For women, it helps enormously if foreplay begins before her man walks in the door that night. That does not mean that he should fondle her breasts before he takes off his coat! What it means is that he can’t expect to not speak to her during the day, watch television all night, turn off the TV, and then – and only then – turn his attention to her! Women need emotional foreplay.
Many men compartmentalize. They are able to watch a ballgame, jump up and down over the final point, turn off the TV, and then get an erection.
For men who want to make love to women, it’s helpful to know that women don’t work this way. We have overall experiences – although we do enjoy the occasional quickie. It’s like the old joke about men going to a mall to buy something, and women going to a mall to experience the mall.
For women, her partner’s behavior from the moment he walks in the door is noteworthy (and even earlier than that – for example, if he called from work to say “Hi,”) – all of this constitutes foreplay.
What are some moves that can pave the way from a logical transition of the day into a sexually charged night?
Hints -- Especially For Men
• During dinner, play footsies under the table.
• Take her wrist and kiss the inside near her pulse.
• When she’s doing the dishes, come up behind her & kiss the back of her neck – putting your arms around her.
• Without saying a word, run a warm bubbly bath with favorite smelling potion. Light candles, and play music.
• Massage your partner with exotic oils…Shop together for scents you like best.
• Invite her to cuddle, telling her you want to be near her.
• Hold her hand – often!
• Hug your partner unexpectedly – and look deeply into her eyes.
• Surprise her with something she never expected.
• Guys: serenade her with your drawers down!
• Men, find out if your partner prefers romantic erotica or sex erotica. Then write her an erotic Valentine’s note. Write an erotic scene of your own, and read it aloud to her.
The key is that before bedtime, don’t forget to touch her, hug her, and keep in contact with her during the evening.
After a few sessions with one of the couples I counsel, he called her at work to say he couldn’t wait to see her that night – and he was making dinner. When she came home, he was serving hors d’oeuvres in an apron – and that was all!
As for men’s foreplay, just because you wake up aroused and ready, just because you climb into bed at night aroused and ready, doesn’t mean that you guys don’t appreciate mental and physical foreplay. Men love foreplay – including foreplay that goes straight to their groin – hinting of pleasures to come! Most men will report that the longer the sex play, the more intense their orgasm.
So, make your foreplay verbal, visual, kinesthetic, and even more erotic than romantic.
Hints Especially For Women
• Bite him lightly on the back of the neck – when he isn’t expecting it.
• Run your hands over your body while he watches.
• At a moment he doesn’t expect it, take his hand and put it underneath your blouse or skirt.
• Surprise him with a sexy porn video.
• Leave an explicit, erotic note in his briefcase – telling him what he can expect when he comes home that night. (And, do not tack on the end a reminder to pick up the bread & milk on the way home from work!).
• There are morning differences: When men wake up with erections, his woman might wonder: “How can you want me the way I look?” And he responds: “Because I can’t see you. I have no blood anywhere near my optic nerve!”
More Tips For Better Sex
Take a tip from the animal kingdom: first kill all your competitors…just kidding!
In the bird kingdom, females choose a male by watching who builds the best nest, and who finds the best branches, the finest twigs, and the nicest boughs.
This is encoded in our genes! Therefore, it seems to me, you can capitalize on biology by taking a few tips from the birds!
Turn your bedroom into a Love Nest
• Take the photos of Mom, Dad, Rover, and the little pumpkins out of the bedroom – and put out photos of the two of you when you were totally smitten with each other.
• Keep a drawer with lotions, vibrators, lubes, magazines, erotica – whatever the two of you find sexy!
Feed her strawberries, pour her a drink --- and hold the glass to her lips. Anthropological studies show that when she takes food from your hand, she’s yours.
Believe me, the key aspect to better sex for women is they need to feel as if they aren’t an afterthought. They need to feel that you might have thought about us during the day, and how we might be special.
Sex, just like love, blossoms in a relationship because people work at it! They learn each other’s bodies – they explore each other’s fantasies – they tell their secrets.
A final word: for women, talk is the way into sex. For men, sex is the way into talk. It is a truth: men’s emotional life opens through sex. Happy openings – emotional and sexual!
Dr. Diana Wiley, has been a Board-Certified Sex Therapist, diplomat of the American Board of Sexology, a clinical Sexologist, and a licensed marriage and family therapist for over 20 years. Her extensive professional experience and views on sex and the erotic make her a true sex guru and evangelist, and her versatility and breadth of expertise have brought with them numerous spots on national television and radio programs—including her own popular broadcast, Live With Dr. Diana. She can be reached at DrDiana@sbcglobal.net.
Dr Diana Wiley can be reached at DrDiana@sbcglobal.net.
For more on Dr. Diana Wiley please visit www.DrDianaWiley.com