12 Steps to Dating Success
Concrete Actions You Can Take That Are Guaranteed To Improve Your Success In Dating
Dear April Masini,
I am so sick of being alone! I want so badly to have someone in my life, but I can't even get a date. What do I have to do to become someone who can get dates? I need dating advice badly!"
Sincerely, Sick Of Being Dateless
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Sick Of Being Dateless,
If I offered you a crash course on dating that would reveal the secrets for your success in a simple strategy that goes beyond winning in love, to include winning in the business, and in life, would you try it? Moreover, if I challenged you to examine your concepts of dating and your perception of failure and rejection, would you accept the challenge? â€¨â€¨Let's find out.
Lesson 1: First Impressions Count!
They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person’s initial sense of who and what you are. Do you have a second chance to make a positive first impression? The experts say, no.
Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part!
Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we say verbally. Moreover, though it may not get you all the way to your objective, it will get your foot in the door. Remember the old adage, ”Dress for who you want to be, not who you are.” It is as true in business as it is in love.
Lesson 3: Act the part
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, success, just as it will negatively affect your success in we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating business.
Lesson 4: Be the part
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a product and the person you want to date as the buyer. â€¨â€¨
Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind ”the numbers game.” It supports the fundamental dynamics of dating. You will save a lot of time and heartache if you are willing to accept, grasp, and follow its tenets. They are:
â–ª You are a product. You are the product’s salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
â–ª The person you're trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.
â–ª The world’s best salespeople don’t have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent, or even a 25 percent rate. The world’s best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate. Thus, the best of the best put their best product forward and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten they are interested in, is also interested in them. See where I'm going?
Lesson 6: Confidence = Success
The number one quality both men and women seek in a date or a mate is confidence. Confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
â€¨â€¨Lesson 7: Establish a goal
A confident person is one with a plan and a goal. What’s yours? Let's assume that it is getting a great date for Valentine’s Day. Now ask yourself, what will it take to get that date? What steps do you need to take? Create your to-do list. Then accomplish each item on your list, one-by-one until you reach your goal.
â€¨â€¨Lesson 8: Know your target market and give them what they want
Understand to whom you are trying to sell yourself and what they are interested in buying. â€¨â€¨
Lesson 9: Analyze the competition and do things better than they do
Just as you would study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating competition if you want to win!
â€¨â€¨Lesson 10: Take action and follow through.
Nothing happens until you do something.
1. Deal with your fear of rejection:
â–ª Stop investing your energy and self-worth in outcomes. Instead of thinking of "misses" as "failures," think of them as "practice shots." Dating is a process.
â–ª Stop placing so much importance on what the person you are interested in thinks of you. After all, you don’t know if you would even like them once you get to know them, do you?
2. Set small goals and accomplish them, one by one.â€¨
3. Get passionate about your life. Take a class, travel at home or abroad, become a Big Brother/Big Sister, get involved with politics, learn to Salsa, get out of a job you hate and into one you love. Enthusiasm is contagious, if you are excited about your life, people will be excited about being with you.â€¨
4. Dress for success. Always put your best foot forward.â€¨
5. Perfect your sales pitch. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result.
Lesson 11: Know yourself well enough to get the relationship you want. Most people don’t! If you’re reading this column, it’s probably because dating hasn’t worked for you. You want a better outcome. The reason it hasn’t worked is because you don’t know yourself well enough to get the relationship you want. Who are you really? I’m not talking about who you want people to think you are, but the you that you actually are. Before you can be ready to be in a relationship with someone else, it's crucial for you to know yourself and what you want.
Lesson 12: Know what kind of person you want to date. Most people spend more time thinking about the kind of car they want to buy, then about the kind of person they want to date. Are you more interested in a high-achieving, big-income earner, or do you see yourself with someone who wants quality time with their loved ones—and with you, more than bringing home big bucks? Do you want an active person who likes travel, adventure, and recreation or do you prefer a someone who likes to putter around the house and rent a movie to watch together? If you live in a fast-paced city and you have an urbane, high-powered lifestyle that you enjoy, you probably don't want to date a sculptor who doesn't own a car and lives with their parents. Do you like nightlife, clubbing and being seen at the latest hot spots? If the answer is yes, then don’t date the quiet.
Bonus Lesson #13: Extinguish The Ex
When you're focused on dating success, remember to 'Extinguish The Ex', a valuable lesson that my friends at The Kewl Shop invited me to discuss in an article on their site. And while you're browsing The Kewl Shop, remember "Lesson #1: First Impressions Count", so check out their sexy bandage dresses and choose one to 'look the part' for your next date.
Finally, live as if there may be no tomorrow; realize there are no guarantees, no dress rehearsals, and (usually) no second chances. Make each day ”your special day,” one in which you did all that you could do. You will never look back with regret.