3 Reasons Discretion Is Advised in Dating
Why Gossiping About Your Dates Can Ruin Your Dating Prospects and Doom Your Love Life
Dear April Masini,
I’ve had a crush on this guy for such a long time, and he finally asked me out. The thing is we are friendly with a lot of the same people and when they asked me what I’ve been doing, I slipped up and told them that we were going out. Now, I haven’t heard from him in a few days, and think he’s upset with me. Should I have been more discreet and not told them we were going on a date? And if so, do you have any tips for damage control to make it better."
Signed, Blabber Mouth
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Blabber Mouth:
There is nothing more immature than being unable to contain yourself. Discretion goes hand in hand with maturity. And it's a great asset to have -- in yourself and the people around you. People who do not have discretion lack self-control and can often become less than trustworthy. They can't help but blab.
Discretion in the Beginning of a Relationship as Advised for These Reasons
- While the relationship may seem like it's going to be "the big one" for one member of the couple, it may be "ho hum just another date" for the other member of the couple. Blabbing by either member of the couple to people who will continue to blab like that child-hood game, Whisper Down The Lane, is going to lead to hurt feelings, miscommunication and burst bubbles.
- A great first date doesn't mean the second and third dates will be great -- and vice verse. So be calm and wait to see how things go before you start telling people you met your new spouse -- after one date.
- Dating in the early stage assumes that both people may be casually dating other people. It's best not to make a big deal out of a date that is just a beginning date so that drama doesn't emerge where there was none.
Why It's Important to Prove Trustworthy
It's important to prove you are trustworthy in a romantic relationship because trust is the currency of intimacy. Without trust, there is no place for revealing deep truths about one another. If you can't trust your boyfriend or girlfriend not to blab about a first or second date -- how will you be able to trust them with your most private and intimate feelings? The answer is you won't -- and the relationship won't go anywhere important. Intimacy is one of the key tools in keeping a relationship working healthfully.
Blabber Damage Control
You blabbed and you shouldn't have. Now there's all kinds of drama spinning out all over the place. How do you do damage control?
- Approach your date and apologize and clear the air.
Get everything out -- what you said, why you said it, and why you realize you made a mistake, as well as what they can count on you for the next time something like this comes up. In other words, tell your story, and tell your date what you will do differently next time, and why -- and apologize. Ask for forgiveness.
- Approach the people you blabbed to, and tell them that you feel awful for blabbing and you don't want to do it again.
If they're good friends, they'll try to help you learn not to blab. If they're not good friends -- get new ones.
- Practice! Not blabbing is a discipline.
If you're prone to it, notice where else you act compulsively and are reactionary in your life. Are you the first one to raise your hand every time the teacher asks a question? Are you too eager to correct someone who says something wrong? Do you jump the gun? If you notice other areas where you're over-eager, you can "cross-train" and work on calming down and staying still in different facets of your life -- starting with zipping you lip!