5 Reasons Couples Fight During Pregnancy and Advice for How to Prevent Break-ups
Dear April Masini,
What causes couples who have been married for a while (and trying to have a child) to break up during pregnancy? Do you have any tips or advice for preventing the break up of a relationship during pregnancy?"
In the Baby Zone
April Masini's Advice :
Dear In the Baby Zone:
Pregnancy can seem like a joyful time full of maternity clothes shopping trips interrupted only by baby clothes shopping trips and baby showers. But the reality is that this can be a very stressful time for couples, and breaking up during pregnancy does occur.
Reasons for Volatility in Couples During Pregnancies
1. Pregnant women have a hormone production rush that is changing their bodies, literally, by the second. Chemically, physically and physiologically everything is in transition. It is very normal to have big mood swings with these body changes. Some of these mood swings can be crying jags, anxiety attacks, and angry fight picking. It's also easy to storm off and out of the house to be with mom -- more so now than ever.
2. In addition, morning sickness can last a lot longer than just the morning, and while it usually goes away after the first trimester ends, it CAN stick around for a lot longer in some cases. This queasy, uncomfortable feeling can set the stage for irritability and fights galore!
3. Complications during pregnancy can bring out the worst fears -- and behavior -- in both parents, and if the mother becomes bed-ridden for the duration of the pregnancy, the stress on dad can be monstrous.
4. Unresolved stress about what changes will occur once the baby is born may be played out by both partners in a relationship, and acting out by breaking up isn't all that uncommon. These fears can be financial -- especially for fathers, who may wonder how he is going to make ends meet. He may also be fearful of losing his wife to the baby, and he may be sad about losing his wife's svelte pre-pregnancy body to a more matronly looking woman's body.
5. Women may be afraid of the act of birth. They can also be fearful that something will happen to them and/or their baby.
The Good News!
How to Make Nine Months Seem More Like Nine and a Half Weeks
Many pregnant women feel a surge of sexuality in their pregnancy -- especially in the second trimester, when morning sickness usually subsides or ends. Those women who revel in what their bodies have done, and enjoy the changes -- including the bonus of bigger breasts -- will naturally feel sexier than usual. In many ways the new body is like getting new clothes to wear for a change. When women feel sexy like this, most men will respond in kind.
But there are those women who equate pregnancy with just being fat. They often feel less than sexy and compare themselves to their old body or other women with svelte, non-pregnant figures.
6 Tips (for Men) to Help Women Feel Sexy During Pregnancy
Don't criticize her weight gain. Ever. If she criticizes her own weight gain, reassure her that she is making a beautiful sacrifice for your child and for your family by carrying this child and taking such good care of her body, and the baby's. Take her clothes shopping and ogle! There are wonderful maternity clothing stores now that carry clothes that are pretty, flattering and even sexy. Take her lingerie shopping for bigger bras! You can even hit Frederick's or Victoria's for sexy bras, and if she's comfortable with it, undies that ride below her belly. Experiment with sex. If she's nervous about sex and the pregnancy, go slow with her and try new positions and techniques. In the third trimester, the missionary position may not be comfortable or feasible any more, so try positions like sideways and from behind -- or other sex acts that may or may not include intercourse. Enhance your romance and sexuality by remind her how womanly she is in this state, and cherish it because it is temporary. Hire a boudoir photographer to take sexy photos of her naked and pregnant. Or do it yourself.To make your woman continue to feel special during pregnancy, take her on some hot dates.
You can get some exciting ideas in my book, Romantic Date Ideas.