Advice for Dealing With Your New Mother-In-Law
Advice for Understanding Your Mother-In-Law
Dear April Masini,
I'm getting married soon and I'm nervous about how my mother-in-law might react to me. She seems very nice but I'm scared she might change after the wedding. I really want her to like me and I want things to go smoothly, but I also don't want my mother-in-law around all the time. Do you have any tips for how to have good relationships with your in-laws and keep your relationship with your spouse strong as well?
Sincerely, Do I Have to Love His Mother?"
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Do I Have to Love His Mother:
Marriage is a great step for you, so don't let worries about your mother-in-law take your focus away! Concentrate on the positive and also read these tips to prepare yourself for your mother-in-law to be!
-- Expect to wait between five minutes and until hell freezes over for your new mother-in-law to trust you. Why? Well, some mothers-in-law are so excited to have daughters-in-law that they can’t wait to conjoin themselves to your hip and will shower you with gifts and daily phone calls. Don’t expect this behavior to last. The novelty will wear off after the first year.
Other mothers-in-law will feel threatened and are capable of doing the psychological work they need to figure out why they feel threatened, to confront their fears about you, and to overcome them. On the other hand, there are mothers-in-law who are not capable of doing that work, and will always have a rocky relationship with you.
-- Expect changes in the relationship when you have children.
These changes can be for better or for worse. The best relationships are those when your mother-in-law is empathetic and understanding about how much work and stress a new child can be on the parents. The worst is when the mother-in-law figures it’s “all about me,” and sees you as a breeder, and her new grandchild as the object of any and all attention.
-- Expect changes in the relationship if your mother-in-law has another child who marries or has children.
This is a great way to diffuse tension, so think about giving your single brother or sister-in-law a membership to an online dating website in the hopes that they’ll get married and give your mother-in-law a new project to focus on!