Advice on How to Write A Great Love Letter
Dear April Masini,
I want to write my boyfriend a love letter, but every time I start, I stop. I need a jump-start. Please give me some tips and advice that will help me write a fabulous and sexy love letter to my boyfriend, so I can add some sizzle into our relationship."
Need A Better Letter
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Need A Better Letter:
Great idea to write a love letter – especially at Valentine’s Day! Your instinct to give someone you care about a personal love letter is right on because love letters are not just an art – they’re very intimate and provocative and meant to evoke emotions that you just don’t get with a pre-printed card from the drug store or an e-mail or phone call.
One of the greatest tools of seduction for any lover is the ability to express him or herself emotionally. And the more ways to express him or herself, the more effective a lover he or she is. However, being a great lover -- and the trick to being a great lover is to give love attention in and out of bed -- is easier said then done. That's why there are so many pre-printed Valentine's Day cards at the drug store. Writing a love letter is a lot more involved than it may appear. If it was easy, greeting card companies would have been out of business long ago – and they’re thriving, so trust me. Love letters are a terrific idea. And one that comes directly from you is the best. So follow these tips for a better letter:
April’s Love Letter Writing Dos and Don'ts:
- DO write from the heart. Express your feelings without expecting anything in return from the receiver. This means you have to take a chance and show your feelings without knowing they will be accepted. This is what makes a great lover. Emotional bravery. This may take some practice, so allow yourself to write a couple of rough drafts if you need to warm up your heart and get the words you want to say onto the page. Be that brave lover and let your heart flow onto the page whether you will get what you want in return – your love letter recipient’s love – in exchange for the letter or not. Everyone loves their boyfriend or girlfriend to have confidence. Check out my books Think & Date Like a Man (for women) and Date Out Of Your League (for men) to learn more about this.
- DO pose a question in your letter. Ask for what you want, whether it’s a date, a marriage proposal, or forgiveness. If you don’t want something – then you’re not delving deep enough! Be honest with yourself. The reason you want to write the letter in the first place is to have your feelings heard. If that’s all you want, then there’s nothing more romantic than asking your beloved to hear your feelings and take them into his or her heart. It’s also gracious and charming to ask your honey if they would be kind enough to listen. The more you open up like this, the more you may realize you want to ask. Writing a love letter is a great way to find out about your own heart as well as express your feelings from your heart.
- DO be honest. A great lover letter expresses honesty and intimacy. The more honest, the better the letter. It may sound silly, but the truth is that it is often very difficult for people to open up and talk about what’s in their heart. Feelings sometimes make people squeamish because they’re not used to expressing them. That’s why a love letter is such a great stepping stone. It’s a way to say things without having to face the person. This makes it a little easier for most people, and can then make saying things they feel but could never say, easier because they’ve expressed them in words already in the love letter.
- DO go deep. A great love letter writes what he or she cannot say in person. Use the letter to “go deeper” into your feelings. If you’re going to say the same old same old, don’t bother writing because you’re not going to get a reaction, and what’s the point of writing a love letter if not to move the reader? A great love letter is one that exposes places in the heart that the recipient has never seen. Allow your beloved to see a part of you that you don’t show other people by expressing feelings no one else knows that you have.
- DON’T write anything safe. Let it all out. Write like there’s no tomorrow. Romance is not about safety. It’s about opening up and facing rejection, and not caring because saying what is in your heart becomes more important than anything. Sometimes it helps to loosen up a little when you’re having trouble letting it all out. Put on some music. Write while you’re in a place where you’re relaxed. If you’re more relaxed and open when you’re alone then make sure you’re writing in a place where you’re by yourself. Sometimes having a glass of wine helps, too.
- DON’T give conditions on offers. For example, do not write: I will love you always, if you will only stop seeing so and so….or I will never date anyone else always if you will go to a party with me on Saturday. First of all, you probably won’t be able to keep conditions you impose on yourself, and second of all if you impose conditions on the recipient of your letter, it feels manipulative and not generous.
- DON’T send a letter and then ignore the person after you’ve sent it. If the person disappoints you in their reaction, be disappointed. The letter allows you entrée into a higher road of expression. If the receiver chooses to stoop to meanness or ignoring you after receiving your declaration of love, allow yourself sadness.
- DON’T write what you’ve already said in person or on the phone or in an e-mail. Give the reader reason to stop and drop everything they’re doing and finish reading. Get their attention, and the way to do that is with something new. This is a great time for confessions -- of every kind -- romantic, sexual, and anything else you can think of. Tell your lover a secret.