Advice on the Tricky Business of Going From a Patient to a Date
I Want To Date My Doctor
Dear April Masini,
I have started liking this doctor - currently I am a patient at his practice. I sense there is a mutual attraction that has gone stronger over two years. I've been sending him cards for the major holidays and a thank you card, but I have not heard anything back. I wonder if I should go to another practice in order for any potential to develop? Or can I suggest a date? I just don’t know how this can work; can you give me any dating advice?"
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Love Doctor,
First of all – don't chase men. Never ask a man out and don't call him first. While you might be rolling your eyes and thinking "how old fashioned" and "what about equality", I’m here to tell you that the feminist movement gave women (like you) some bad advice when they preached equality between the sexes. Men and women are different, especially in love, and to treat them equally is to doom your love life! So after you finish reading this column, get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, and start reading your way to a successful love life.
Power Is An Aphrodisiac:
Now, for the thornier part: He’s your doctor. You have an intimate professional relationship. Many women fall in love with men who can take care of them in some way. They mistake the professional intimacy in the professional relationships that they have with these men as more. And face it: the power that these men hold over these women is an aphrodisiac. Power is sexy. So it’s no surprise that these men are often teachers, doctors, bosses, or other father figures. It’s normal.
However, acting on these feelings often means crossing lines that create complications. Dating your boss can be tricky business. Dating a teacher can be just as tricky. As you already know, a doctor who makes a pass at a patient can be held legally liable for harassment and other criminal acts. So even if he’s madly in love with you – which I don’t think he is at this point – if he’s a law-abiding citizen, he’s not going to ask you out on a date. He could be disbarred if he did.
Dating Is A Numbers Game:
I wonder if you’re just lazy in love, and not doing your own love work – making yourself as attractive as possible, and packaging yourself like a product – because dating is a numbers game, and unless you accept that and put yourself in the game, you’re going to find yourself doing a lot of “settling-dating.” And settling-dating means loving the one you’re with – rather than the one you want – because he happens to be in your pathway. Knowing what you want in a man and a relationship is the first step to a successful relationship. If you don’t know that, you’ll get lazy, and find yourself developing crushes on men who happen to be in your path – like your doctor. Packaging yourself the way I guide you in Think & Date Like A Man, is the next step. And then putting yourself out there, so that you’re actually playing the numbers game and getting up to bat, will assure you that at some point, you will be asked out by a few or by a lot of men. But if you don’t get up to bat, you won’t be rejected – but you also won’t be asked out. So get out there!
Can You Date Your Doctor?:
Now, as for your doctor crush. The best thing for you to do, if you really are attracted to your doctor, is to find another practice and another doctor to treat you. When you leave the practice, you can drop him a thank you note for his care and practice, and mention that you felt that he was just too cute to be your doctor, and you didn’t want to have a doctor that you’d rather date than be his patient. At that point, you’re not asking him out. You’re not putting his job in jeopardy by suggesting he date a patient. And you’re un-complicating your relationship with him so that if he does like you and if he does want to ask you out, he can.
If you want to up the ante a little, make yourself a little available for him to run into. Don’t stalk him, but do frequent the restaurants and stores in the neighborhood of his office. If you do run into him, at that time, flirt away! But I bet that if you read and follow Think & Date Like A Man, by the time he asks you out, he’s going to have to get in line behind a bunch of other doctors, lawyers, businessmen, entrepreneurs, and artists who all want to date you, too!