April's #1 Tip for Approaching (and Talking To) Women
Advice on How to Approach and Talk to Women When You Are Shy
Dear April Masini,
Help! I am painfully shy around women I'm attracted to and I don't know what to do... I don't know how to start a conversation with them, much less ask one out. Can you help?"
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Shy Guy,
You are not alone. We can be smart and funny and super cool around people who don't matter to us, but when someone who makes our heart beat faster comes within a one mile radius of us, most of us feel anything but cool…. Our face turn red, our words don't come out at all as we intend, and our typically bubbly personality turns into a dull fizz. So what do you do? How do you control what you feel you have no control over? Well, the answer's not to put an extra coat of deodorant on (though that couldn't hurt matters). Instead, investigate ways to let your mind take over when your body is failing you.
Here’s the scenario:
You see someone across the room and you know instantly - she's the hottest person your eyes have ever come across, and you must meet her. So you gather your courage, casually walk on over, and...s-s-s-st-st-a-m-m-e-r. Your face flushes, your pulse quickens and the thought of actually getting a single word out seems totally impossible. You, my friend, are shy - and you’re not alone.
No matter how smart or sexy or confident we are, it’s likely that we’ve all experienced shyness at some point in our lives. The real problem arises when our shyness is so debilitating that we can’t overcome it and it actually stops us from moving forward. If that’s you - I’ve got two words for you: ”fake it!” (That, and pick up my book Date Out Of Your League for advice and tips on how to acquire confidence.)
That’s right, I want you to fake it until you make it. How? By having pre-established ideas for how to approach that girl of your dreams. No spontaneity required, but they’ll never know (because you’ll have practiced and practiced until you have it down pat).
The longstanding saying is true: cheaters never win. But believe me, fakers can succeed! To overcome shyness, sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. What do I mean by that? Come up with an image of the coolest, sexiest person in your mind, and ask yourself: How would they approach the object of your affection? What would they say? How would they act? Now follow suit and go through the motion.
What? Do you think movie stars are naturally so mesmerizingly sexy and sauve since the minute they came out of the womb? No! It’s all an act—a very expensive act at that. Hollywood pays big bucks to make these onscreen hunks the object of women’s desires. It requires thousands of dollars of scripting, hair and make-up, designer clothes and publicists. It can costs Tinsel town millions of dollars to make someone “sexy”—but you don’t need millions of dollars. You simply need to role-play.
In other words, you know you're funny and smart and charming, but until you can actually be that person in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend-to-be (hey, I'm being optimistic), put on an act. Just think of it as a temporary tool to help you get your foot in the door.
My A number 1 tip for overcoming shyness and striking up a conversation with a woman: ask her opinion.
That’s right – become an advice seeker.
Women love it when you're interested in her – and specifically, in what she thinks. To do this well it pays to stay up to date on the news -- and even the tabloid gossip. Most women love gossip, and if you know a little -- but not too much to be suspiciously soap-opera audience material -- she'll love talking to you. The key is to decide what kind of image you want to project, then study up on the topics that support that image. In fact, if you really want to play it safe -- carry a “prop”, and keep in mind:
-- Time Magazine projects a different image than someone reading Details or Esquire magazine.
-- Wall Street Journal says you’re a guy on his way up the ladder – and The Robb Report , way up the ladder.
-- People magazine or a tabloid will invite talk about gossip and celebrities, like, should Britney lose her kids?
-- Ayn Rand is going to attract the poet, philosopher type of woman.
-- A political autobiography will say you’re worldly, smart and current.
Better yet, carry two entirely different types of magazines or books and ask her, “I'm torn -- which do you think I should start reading? This one or this one?”
Here’s another scenario, using the same advice seeking technique….
Let’s pretend you’re in a clothing store and you see the cutest sales clerk. Here’s the perfect opportunity to use this technique. Ask her opinion on what you should get your mother or sister for their birthday. This allows you to strike up a conversation without obviously hitting on her, while simultaneously, indirectly, complimenting her… by letting it be known that you think she has good taste and you trust her opinion!
Remember, within the dynamics of dating, you are the salesman and women are your customers.
It is up to you to sell the product with such confidence that there's no way they wouldn't buy it (the "it" being YOU)! So take on the personality of a salesman. Feel inspired by your sexy icon. Role-play. What do you have to lose? Except that girl you can’t stop thinking about.