Better Sex Tips for Women
Tips for Balancing Motherhood, Wife, Career ... and a Sex Life!
Dear April Masini,
My husband and I always promised one another that we would never turn into the kind of married couple who has sex once a week. But now, with three kids and my full-time executive job, sex once a week would be a very good week! I am totally frazzled--when I'm at work, the kids are calling on the cell phone, when I'm home, my Blackberry is going off. I'm frustrated and exhausted, and I know my husband isn't happy about the lack of sex. (Neither would I be, if I had time to think about it). I feel like my relationship with my husband is falling apart! Do you have any relationship advice for how I can balance all of these areas of my life?"
What can I do?
Burnt Out Mom
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Burnt Out Mom,
When a plane goes down and the oxygen masks pop out the first thing a parent is supposed to do is fasten their own mask on themselves before they fasten a mask on their child. If moms don't take care of themselves, whether the plane is going down or someone is just projectile vomiting (again), they won't be able to take good care of their children and families.
Ironically, mothers tend to put themselves LAST and that's the wrong thing to do. Sleep, eat, exercise, and nurture yourself and your relationship with your spouse (have sex) to be a more rejuvenated mother. Here are some tips for the bedroom -- sleep and sex!
- Don't hang out with anyone who has bad sleep habits. They will rub off.
- Calm things down a few hours before bedtime. Don't go to the gym right before bed. Don't watch thrillers on TV right before bed.
- Television off one hour before desired bedtime. Read.
- No sugar snacks before bedtime. Sugar is a stimulant. No caffeine, either -- that includes coffee and chocolate ice cream.
- No "heavy" talks before bedtime. Don't do or talk about anything intense or "heavy" emotionally right before bed. No relationship talks with anyone after dark.
- Don't fight with your spouse, your boss, your parents or anyone else before bed.
- Make sleep a priority over everything else. Make it a religious observance.
- A warm bath before bed will relax your body and make sleep come more easily.
- Make bedrooms dark and restful.
- Make the house quiet and conducive to sleep at night. And don't sleep in your clothes. Have bed clothes or sleep naked.
The biggest problems that working mothers have when it comes to sex is ... time and energy.
It doesn't take an Einstein level physics equation to figure out that you can't make energy for sex when there is none left at the end of the day.
Here are the reasons why sex is often a problem for working mothers:
- Women tend to be caretakers -- of everyone but themselves! They put the job and the children before their relationship with their husband more often than not. This means sex suffers.
- Even when there is childcare involved in the equation, women tend to take on more of the childcare responsibilities and organizing duties than the husband. This is time consuming, and leaves her very little time and energy for sex.
- Resentment and anger tend to build when women are exhausted and unfulfilled. These emotions can block sexual impulses.
Ways to have a sex life if you're a working mother:
- Make sex a priority. Let the dishes go. Let something go. The kids can go without a bath one night. Whatever it is you have to let go in order to allow yourself the time and energy for sex, do it. Leave the house a wreck, and go away for the weekend -- or even a night -- to a local, but lovely, hotel.
- Get help with any obstacles you have towards sex -- and stop being everyone's caregiver. Enlist babysitters, neighbors and relatives to take your kids so you can have child-free nights with your husband.
- Make your sexual self a priority. It's so easy to be practical when you're busy, but you leave a big part of yourself behind when you do that all the time, and that part is your sexual self. Buy yourself some sexy lingerie or clothing. Allow yourself a long, luxurious bath with scented candles, bath products and music. Indulge your sensual self and you will nourish your sexual self.
And last but not least -- don't forget to take it easy. You're not going to go from a dry spell to an orgy. Start with a romantic dinner out. It will take both you and your husband some time to find your footing again. Go easy on yourself and him along the way.
Check out my book, Romantic Date Ideas, for ideas!