Cheat Sheet for Getting Back in the Game When You're Newly Divorced and Dating Over 40
Dear April Masini,
I couldn’t possibly hate life more than I do right now. Not only am I grieving the loss of my recent 20-year marriage, but I’m in my 40s, look like I’m in my 50s, have started acting like I’m in my 60s, and I am beginning to think like a 70-year-old woman who can’t possibly attract a new man. On top of everything, it seems like young, sexy, 20- and 30-somethings are popping out of the framework everywhere! Have some new-found brigade of gorgeous women been sent to planet Earth solely to torture and endlessly mock me? Please give me some dating advice so I can get back in a relationship sometime in the next century."
Old Stick in the Mud
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Old Stick in the Mud,
My poor dear! I’m going to start by giving you some keen advice on a little subject I’d like to call self-esteem! With your wit, you should be writing the next best-seller based on your past 20-years, not mourning over how miserable the next 20 will be!
It is always good to keep in mind that in life we have lemons. I know the saying would have it that we should “make lemonade,” but I prefer to tell people to grab a nice cold Mike’s Hard Lemonade, kick back, and let the giggles wash over you until you’re ready to handle it.
That being said, if you’re over 40…and dating (again), the playing field can seem really scary. You’re competing against 20- and 30-somethings who you think look so much better than you do, and are carefree, when you’re shouldering the burden of fresh divorce scars. Don’t even mention the idea of taking off your clothes with someone!
Don’t worry – just follow these tips:
* Be your best self, but don’t lie about who you are. If you say you’re 45, then he’s going to expect someone over 45 — not a 25-year-old.
* Every individual is different, however, in general, younger men are in a different life place than you are, and much younger men are in a much different life place than you are. While dating younger men can be freeing and a great ego boost, before you get too invested emotionally, see if you’re both on the same page in terms of what you want in the long term. Short term dating is fine — as long as you are both in agreement about what you’re doing together.
* Take your time. Not every date is going to replace the relationship you just left. You’re going to have to play the field in order to find Mr. Right. If it’s been a while since you did that, adjust your expectations accordingly.