Does College Mean Goodbye To a High School Boyfriend?
5 Tips To Get Over 5 Breakup and Move On
Dear April Masini,
" <p style="text-align: justify;">My question is how do I move on? I was with the most amazing guy for four years, but I’m only 19 now. We got together very young, but we had the most amazing relationship and were just so happy together all the time! However, before I came to this university he broke up with me pretty much because we were growing older and he knew I'd have many new opportunities here at the university.<br /><br /> We spent three months apart, but the whole time I was single I didn’t enjoy it because I couldn’t stop thinking about him! Then he finally came back and I was so happy because I loved him. But it made me think that maybe I’ve gotten to the age where I need to see what else is out there so I can know if he truly is the one! So we got back together for two months, but then I ended things again because I finally saw being at university is my opportunity to see if he really is the one I want to be with or if he is just my first love!<br /><br /> Now that’s explained, my problem is that I can’t move on! Even though I’ve done the right thing and I know I have, he’s out there having fun and meeting other girls, which is what I wanted him to do, but I still cant stop thinking about him all the time and it drives me mad because I just want to forget about him long enough to enjoy myself! Please give me some advice for getting over my breakup.<br /><br /> Signed,<br /><br /> <br /><br /> Help Me Move On</p> "
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Help Me Move On,
You’ve done a really good job at identifying your problem and handling things on your own up to now. In fact, considering your age, you’ve done everything right. While 15 or 16 years old is young to be in a long-term relationship (as opposed to doing light dating), it’s within the range of normal. However, going to a university is a big life change, and you’re both right to reconsider this time as being a time to be in a committed relationship. The problem is that you didn’t decide it at the same time! He decided it first – probably as a pre-emptive strike so he wouldn’t find himself rejected by you if you did meet someone at your university.
Then you did it after a brief reunion. And now, you’re lonely and you’re missing him. The push and pull on the relationship of a decision that gets overturned and then overturned again, can create it's own confusion, and you're experiencing all of that. If you had both agreed to break up and that was it, it would have been less painful than going back and forth the way you have. But the reasons that you both used for the break up make a lot of sense and lend themselves to break ups and reunions. If one of you had cheated, been abusive or done something dishonest or illegal, it would have been easier to move on. But the fact that you're moving on because you both want to give each other a chance to experience university life, makes second thoughts simple. That said -- you're right. You do need to get over him and move on.
So here’s what you need to do to get over him – because getting over him is the right thing to do right now:
5 Tips To Get Over A Break Up And Move On:
Throw yourself into your new university life. You’re a student. Enjoy it. It’s probably the last time you’ll be one. Do all the things that students do – including focusing on your studies. Don’t leave yourself any “daydreaming about him” time. If you have time for a part time job, get one. If you don’t want a job, take up some volunteer work. There are lots of people with problems far worse than yours. Help them. Exercise. Besides giving you a positive endorphin rush, you’ll be putting yourself into social circumstances, and you’ll be taking care of your body – good for your health and self esteem and good for being noticed. Go to university related parties and sponsored social events. There are more parties and events than you will have time for. Show up. Have a good time. Make an effort to meet new people. This is one of the last times you’ll be in such a huge dating pool of single, available age appropriate adults. If you’re focusing on yourself, and your own life without him, you’ll eventually stop wondering what he’s doing. Stay strong and stay focused on your goal – to grow up, get educated at university and see what the world has in store for you.You may even want to take this time to think about some new mantras for yourself: enchantress, vixen, seductress, siren, enticer, etc.
You can learn about this in my book Think & Date Like a Man.
Tomorrow is going to be great -- I promise!