Don't Wanna Be A Sugar Momma?
How to Avoid Dating Wanna-Be Sugar Dudes
Dear April Masini,
I'm divorced woman, just turned 48 last month (I look 38!), who is attracted to younger men. I am someone who prides herself on going after what she wants, and usually succeed at getting it. My problem is that most of the men I meet want a 'sugar momma'! I am getting so damn frustrated. Why can't a find a young guy who is just interested in ME, not my money? What I want to know is, how can I avoid dating a gold digger?
Signed, Sick of Wanna Be Sugar-Dudes
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Sugar Momma,
Welcome to the world of equality! Woman’s lib demanded women be treated equally and, like it or not, now they are… in dating. “Are they only with me for my money?” used to be considered an exclusively male concern. Today as women assume more and more traditionally male roles and behaviors – to say nothing of high paying jobs and over 60% of this nations wealth -- it only stands to reason that men would in turn seek to assume the traditionally female roles. What’s fair is fair, right?
Society has long accepted mutually rewarding arrangements between rich wealthy older men and younger companions. Sugar-daddies: older, wealthier men who lavish gifts and money on younger companions.
What matchmaker doesn’t expound setting up, “successful rich men with young beautiful women”? But now, watch a few episodes of Bravos new reality show “Million Dollar Match-Maker” and you’ll also see the reverse… wealthy older women who want to date much younger, buff, very attractive men.
The emergence of Cougars (Demi Moore, Madonna, Mariah Carey and Linda Hogan, to name a few) brought the media’s acceptance of sugar-dudes. And Beyonce’s hit song “Suga Mamma” took sugar-dudes mainstream.
Today’s sugar mama could be any woman of any age that seeks the fun and excitement of having a younger male (or female) companion. She is perceived as assertive and financially secure. She is not seen as someone seeking a partner for financial reasons .
And just as you have tons of women looking for affluent husbands, you have nearly as many young men seeking wealthy wives or girlfriends.
FACTOID: According to a recent survey of 2,500 singles between the ages of 25-55, today, the #1 biggest turn-off for a potential mate is debt -- by a whopping 78%! In fact, excessive debt has replaced age and weight as the key deal breaker for men. A sign of the times!
To answer the ‘how to avoid a gold-digger’ question directly:
Frankly, the best way to avoid dating a sugar-dud is to not behave like a sugar mamma. Plain and simple.
I realize this is going to be a politically incorrect and very unpopular statement, nonetheless, if you are a cougar seeking a serious, long term relationship men more than five years your junior, do so at your own risk.
I'm here to tell you, don't believe the Feminist hype, and ignore the media -- they're wrong… Astin Kutcher is the exception, not the rule. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but men (by in large) still do not want to marry much older women… unless there’s something else included in the deal.
On the other hand, if you are not looking to get married and just want to have a good time. Go for it and have a blast!
Sugar Alert: The Warning Signs:
1) If you’re the one doing the pursuing – watch out.
2) If you’re the one buying the drinks and dinner – watch out.
3) If you’re using money or gifts to “persuade” a man to spend time with you – watch out.
4) If you’re trying to win a man’s attention and affection by paying for trips or weekend getaways – watch out.
Remember, the way you start a relationship determines the way the relationship is going to go. Don’t expect to change it a month or two down the road, you can’t. Always let the man do the chasing, not the other way around.
Bottom-line: Don’t act like a man unless you are one.