First Date Conversation
Tips on What NOT to Talk About on a First Date
Dear April Masini,
I have an extremely high IQ, which I am very proud of. Unfortunately, this makes it hard for me to get a lot of dates, as I am often seen as nerdy and conceited. I don't understand why women are insulted and turned-off when I bring up IQ--I thought women wanted smart men! I am also very spiritual and believe I know a lot about my past lives. My dates always seem to get uncomfortable when I bring up past lives. Why? I think we can learn so much from our previous lives. Clearly I need some dating advice and help knowing what to talk about on a first date."
Sincerely, Past Life Lover
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Past Life Lover,
If you’re not Brad Pitt good looking or Bill Gates wealthy, you’re going to need my help (pronto!) in finding a partner because you’re eccentric and you’re intellectualizing a very simple problem – you want someone to love and share your life with. Period. And while you may not want a simple answer – that’s exactly what I’m going to give you: something you seem to shun -- simplicity, itself.
I don’t buy for a second all this intellectual nonsense you’re spouting. For gosh sakes, Mister – you came to www.AskApril.com for help – you didn’t go to M.I.T. or Harvard for answers. You came to me, a very down to earth, no holds barred, honest to goodness advice columnist. So you know and I know you’re looking for love – and you’re scared you’re going to actually find it.
You also know as well as I do, and maybe better, that you’re given this life for a reason – and the reason is not to squander it complaining and moaning that your true love is not just a soul-mate, but a mentor, too! Gosh – talk about high maintenance! If you're so smart, how come you don't know what you're supposed to be doing in this lifetime? How about looking for someone who’s attractive, bright, interesting, fun and sexy? You may actually learn something about yourself that you don’t already know, being with someone like that. And that, in turn, may actually give you enough knowledge so that you don't have to keep coming back to learn the same thing over and over again. You may or may not have lived 5,000 past lives, but you’re in this one now, so make the best of it! Maybe you keep being given lives one after another because you’re not learning your lessons in your previous lives. Well – here’s your opportunity! Take it!
Numbers -- IQ, Past Lives, and Dates:
I always say that dating is a numbers game, but I didn't mean that you should flaunt your numbers! Your IQ digits, like your income and the measurements of any other part of your body, are private! If you got out more, you'd realize that flashing your IQ score is like telling someone, "I own a Porsche." While it's great to have a high IQ and it's great to have a Porsche, it's much nicer if your friends and family find out about them naturally, rather than you informing them (bragging) to make sure they know just how smart or rich you are. And if you allow a relationship to unfold, everyone will know your IQ and other things about you as they get to know you. Basically quoting your IQ upfront is bad manners, and probably a sign of insecurity, and the more you get out in the real world, the more socialized you'll get, to the point that you understand why it's bad manners to flaunt your IQ or your income or body part sizes.
When I say that dating is a numbers game, I do mean that you need to quit flaunting your numbers and use them! Increase your odds of meeting Ms. Right in this lifetime by showing up. If you can’t stomach Speed Dating, then join Mensa, for gosh sakes! Visit Southern California and scope out the past life regression events. I bet there’s a dating site for psychics looking for love. Face it -- if you truly have been here for 5,000 past lives, then you'd do well to find your soul mate by getting yourself out and about as often as possible. Try Internet dating and specify that you’re looking for someone with a particular IQ, if that is in fact what you’re looking for. But remember – IQ measures your intelligence as measured by one particular test. It doesn’t measure your psychic abilities, your spirituality, your emotional sensitivity or your ability to have fun! So maybe you would do well to open your mind to other measures of a partner.
Get out of your own head and focus on the body you’ve been given in this life. Get a great haircut. Buy some clothes that make you look and feel good. Take an exercise class and take up a sport – yoga’s been around for thousands of years, so you should feel right at home in a yoga studio. Plus, there are usually great looking women who are interested in their bodies, their minds, and the connections between the two there. You’ll have a ball. Explore the physical and sensual parts of life. Get in touch with your romantic side. Make your home more than an office with stacks of science magazines and books collecting dust all over the place. Hire a housekeeper to get your things in order, and then buy some flowers, light a few candles, invite a beautiful woman to come over and cook dinner with you – or order up a pizza and rent A Beautiful Mind to watch together! Or get a Ouija board and turn out the lights. Maybe you’ll have a spiritual encounter – or maybe you’ll have a physical one. Either way – you can’t lose!