High School Dating & The Fear Of Rejection
Advice for Conquering Your Rejection Fears
Dear April Masini,
I've just started dating a new guy, Nate, and I really really like him. I've had boyfriends before him but I have been freaking out about this new guy. I'm afraid he will dump me -- or something. Currently I'm on spring break so I can’t even see him at school. Please help me!
Scared of Rejection
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Scared of Rejection:
There are two ways to live your life. The first way is to honor your fears and do what they tell you to do. Like with this guy. Your fear is telling you that this guy may reject you, so you don’t want to be with him. You’re scared, so you want to run away. The other way to live is to honor your courage. And you have the courage to allow your heart to love! You are feeling romantic feelings towards a guy at your school, and the only obstacle you seem to have is your fear! So let’s conquer it, now!
Fear of Rejection
Look at your fear of being dumped. You’re in your teens, and you’ve already had boyfriends, so you know you’re an attractive young woman that men want to be with. Now, the trick is to be with the one you want! And the one you want is going to be one who wants you back! Imagine wanting someone who doesn’t want you. You can’t, right? A healthy relationship involves mutual attraction. That means he’s going to want to be with you and you’re going to want to be with him. So if he doesn’t want to be with you, it’s really best to find out now, so you don’t have to waste your time with someone who isn’t Mr. Right. If you look at rejection as a gift and a time saver, then it won’t seem so scary. In fact, turn the tables for a moment. I’m sure that you’ve had a guy who you weren’t crazy about, have a mad crush on you. Didn’t you feel badly that he was so smitten with you? It’s easier to lead him on by not being honest, but it’s better to let him know, kindly, that you’re not really interested, but you’re positive other women will be. Then, when you see him happily strolling with a woman who wants to be with him, won’t you feel great? There’s someone for everyone – but only if they go through this dating process.
You Won’t Meet Anyone Staying At Home
Part of finding Mr. Right means putting yourself out there. If you stay home and never flirt with anyone, you’ll never know if they like you back. You have to give yourself and the guy the opportunity to notice you and flirt with you. You have to give him the opportunity to ask you out. Now, this does NOT mean you should chase him, call him, or ask him out. And you should DEFINITELY NOT make the first move. But you should be somewhat available, and you should show him that you like him by smiling at him, then looking away, by talking to him if the opportunity arises, and by responding to his attempts to talk to you, positively. Reward him for flirting with you. Make him want to ask you out.
Acknowledge How Men Think and Act -- "Man-think:"
Men love to chase and hunt. It’s in their nature. If you make it too easy for him, then the relationship won’t be as great as if he feels like he’s won a prize by getting you to go out with him. This is a secret that you can learn about men, early. They want to feel great in a relationship – and by that I mean, they want to feel butterflies in their stomach when they fall in love. They want to see fireworks when they meet Ms. Right. They want to show off their girlfriend to their buddies and their family. They don’t want the booby prize or the party favor that everyone who shows up gets. They want the prize that they won against the odds. So use that information to make yourself the prize.
In my relationship advice book for women, called Think & Date Like A Man, I recommend that women acknowledge the competition that’s out there for the great guys – and to embrace it by making themselves the best they can be. That means great grooming, a great attitude, confidence, and an interesting life. Men love this kind of woman. And if this guy you like, Nate, is as great as you say he is, then other women are going to be noticing him, too. So rather than hide in the corner, fearing he’ll dump you when he hasn’t even asked you out yet, get out there and join the party! I bet that if you follow my advice and you'll get his attention in the way you want. And you know what? If you don’t – then you’ll get some other great guy’s attention! I promise.