How Men Feel About Make-Up
Why Some Things Are Better Left a Mystery
Dear April Masini,
My boyfriend and I are at the stage in our relationship where he's staying overnight at my house a couple of nights a week, now. Everything's been great up until now, but we've been sharing a bathroom, and he's freaked out by all my makeup. He says he doesn't like it, and he doesn't want me wearing makeup. He never said anything when we were just dating - in fact he didn't even notice how much makeup I wore before. I love wearing makeup, and I hate the way I look without it. But he's adamant. Do you have any advice for what I should do?"
Makeup or Breakup
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Makeup or Breakup,
Men don’t like makeup. But they like their women to look polished. They just have no idea how much makeup it takes to look natural! They like to think we spring from our slumber looking the same we do after a full day at the salon. And there’s no reason for them to be concerned with our toilette.
The truth is that they like us to look glamorous and to fit in wherever they take us - which usually means using makeup. They just don’t realize that every other woman in the room uses just as much as you do - if not more. So, don’t throw out your collection of MAC lip-gloss just yet.
When you get to the stage in your relationship where private acts become shared - like the bathroom and dressing together in the morning, the bloom comes off the rose. Undressing together is sexy. Dressing together is practical. Slipping away from a romantic dinner to "powder your nose,” is mysterious. Peeing with the bathroom door open is crass. Having a manicure and a pedicure before a big night out is special. Watching him clip his toenails is gross. And doing all the private things you usually do solo, together, can be awkward at best and not very sexy at worst.
Even if you’ve had wild sex together, and done all sorts of things to each other’s bodies, the sheer act of exfoliating in front of him can make him see you differently. Suddenly, instead of the vixen in the lacy lingerie he went to bed with the night before, he’s seeing a women doing what his sister does, in the harsh light of morning. While private acts like going to the bathroom in front of each other are inevitable when the relationship progresses and you spend more time together, keeping things fresh, and keeping the X in sex, means maintaining some mystery.
When you’re single and longing for intimacy, the idea of having someone to cuddle and snuggle with and share all of those private acts can seem like a sweet dream. But in reality, nothing takes the spark out of chemistry like grooming. It’s meant to be a private act, or one done in the company of other same sex pals.
Don’t worry, though. You haven’t spoiled things. You just need to make some adjustments.
Beauty Secrets - Keep your private acts private!
- Separate bathrooms are ideal. If you have them, adopt one for yourself, and set up one for him. You don’t have to make it a ribbon cutting initiation. Just begin to put his shampoo, his shaving tools, his hairbrush, and his towels in a different color than yours, in what will become his bathroom. Make it a place he’ll want to go, rather than use yours.
- Don’t scare him with all your makeup. Put most of your stash away in a cabinet or under the sink. Just keep a few essentials out in the open. At least this way he doesn’t think you own stock in the Clinique or the Revlon companies, judging from all the products you own.
- Buy him some grooming products that are ”twins” of yours. If he likes them, then you can turn your moisturizing ritual into a duo. There are wonderful men’s grooming products available from the deliciously scented and packaged to more organic types of products.
- Put your makeup on when you have privacy. You can put it on in the car, or at work.
- Use less makeup. Tweak your routine. A simple foundation, some mascara and lipstick should pacify his need for you to live the simple life. You can add blush and eye shadow later in the day if you want. Or, you may just find you like a simpler look for work.
Don’t be stubborn about making changes. Relationships are all about figuring out who you are, and where you’re willing to make compromises. If he sees you’re willing to make changes for him, you’ll be sure to be rewarded - either with his own compromises or in other ways.