How Men Pursue Love
3 Key Differences Between How Men and Women Pursue Love
Dear April Masini,
I'm so confused. Is it OK for me to ask a guy out, or not? Some people encourage it, or say it doesn't matter who asks who out. Others say that women should never ask a guy out. Which is it?"
Signed, Confused by Mixed Messages
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Confused by Mixed Messages,
Although the feminist movement would have us believe otherwise, men and women are different. Really, really different. And nowhere is this more evident than when it comes to amore. Sure, we may all be looking for someone to spend our lives with, but how we go about finding that love - and what that relationship looks like - is as different as night and day. Apples and oranges. Venus and Mars. Oil and Water. You get the picture.
Here, a look at the three most common ways men and women approach romance, love, and relationships differently. And be sure to check out my book on the subject, Think & Date Like a Man for tons of tips on how to bridge this gender gap...or in some cases, make it work for you!
Here are the three key differences between the sexes to keep in mind:
1. All is Fair in Love and War -- First off, for better or worse, men are simply programmed to be the aggressors, the pursuers. No matter how enlightened or progressive they may be, if they don’t have to ”fight” to win a woman (not literally, of course), they likely won’t feel like they have a ”prize.” And deep down, that’s what every guy wants. Hugh Grant was speaking for 99% of men when he recently said he misses the ”chase.” This, ladies, is real life - not a movie where men are tender-hearted romantics who never judge a woman who sleeps with them too soon. Yes, when presented with the opportunity most men will have sex, but, although there are always exceptions, they probably won’t pursue a long term romance with what they see as an easy woman. Sounds harsh, I know, but deep down they feel she’s decreased her ”value.”
2. Honesty Shmonesty -- Second, Ladies, as much as you want the man in your life to want to know all about you (so he can ”understand the real you”) - the feeling is not mutual. Sorry, but total and open, two-way honesty is a misconception. There is nothing men wish you knew about them. No, they really don’t want you to know their deepest darkest secrets, nor their insecurities, nor the truth about how badly their last girlfriend broke his heart. Yes, women wish there was something that men wished they knew about them - but there just isn’t.
3. Stand by Your Man -- Third, men look for loyalty in a woman, but they may not reciprocate when the chips are down. While Tammy Wynette may have urged us to stick it out no matter what'to say nothing of the long list of women who have made it their mantra over the years, from Hillary Rodham Clinton to Mary Jo Buttafuoco - don’t think for one minute a man will begin singing the same tune! Men will not forgive a cheating girlfriend - guys that have been betrayed, and especially in the bedroom, are far less likely to forgive their partners than women would be in the same situation. Women can win big points by supporting their man in front of colleagues and friends and defending him when necessary.