How much PDA is too Much?
Public Displays Of Affection
Dear April Masini,
I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and we're perfect in almost every way. The only problem is, he seems a bit resistant to my hugging and kissing in public. I'm a naturally affectionate person and always like to be touching (not in any inappropriate ways!), and I'm afraid I make him uncomfortable. How do I know how much cuddling is OK?"
Cuddle Me Please
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Cuddle Me Please,
When you're unsure about how much cuddling your partner cares to do, you can get into some uncomfortable situations. Some people are really "touchy-feely" and others prefer to keep their hands to themselves. Showing affection can be the glue in a relationship. The trick is not to use too much -- or too little -- and timing is everything. Here are some different levels of affection people choose to show.
Figure out which your sweetie is.
Ice Princesses – cold shoulder frosts couples:
Sloppy PDAs (public displays of affection) can be embarrassing, but at the same time, ice princesses dating warm and cuddly guys, are going to have a tough time making the long run run long.
Honey, sweetie baby – too much of a good thing:
Some people are just warm to everyone, and that can be misconstrued as special affection if you're dating someone who isn't used to frequent hugs, pats on the arm, the back, and hair tussles as well as kisses and hand holding and lap sitting. Honey and sweetheart can be special terms of endearment -- or they can be monikers that you dole out to everyone you talk to in a day.
The way to moderate affection so that you know you're giving and getting the right amount for your specific relationship is to communicate. A simple "Too much?" after a smooch in public, will let your partner know you're sensitive to their feelings, and allow them a chance to give you feedback. Likewise, a simple "Can we save it for later?" is the perfect response, delivered with a warm smile if the affection is too much.
Later, however, will come, and that's where affection and compatibility are most important.
When there's a PDA (public display of affection) discrepancy -- or just a snuggle discrepancy:
- Use the same deal making tools you have for money, in-laws and other places where there are discrepancies in a relationship. You can't always be on the same page at the same time, so give a little, get a little, put up some boundaries sometimes.
- The trick to any relationship where there are always discrepancies in snuggling, sex drives and other behaviors, is being flexible and making sure you are with someone who is compatible enough to allow both of your snuggle needs to be met.