How Talking Dirty Can Turn Your Partner On and Add Sizzle to Your Relationship
Dear April Masini,
As I've grown older (I'm 52) I've noticed that I require more verbal stimulation during sex with my wife in order to orgasm. This stimulation usually takes the form of my wife describing in details her past sexual adventures or imagining (while I am in her) that I am the hunky waiter that served us at dinner. She will tell me how her past lovers were bigger and better than me or will call me by the waiter's name and tell him (me) how much bigger and better he is compared to her husband. Is this wrong to do? Do you have any advice on dirty talk and whether it helps or harms a relationship?"
Loves Dirty Talkin'
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Loves Dirty Talkin':
There is nothing wrong with this at all. It’s not hurting anyone. It’s sex between two consenting adults within a marriage in the privacy of your home. It doesn’t involve anything that’s demented or really “out there” in a destructive kind of way. It’s your own way of putting the X in your marital sex life! If it’s working for you, that’s great. If you’re wife’s fine with it, that’s great too.
Keep The X in Sex:
I’ve written a book called Romantic Date Ideas for couples in long-term relationships who want to keep their sex life exciting and romantic. It has lots of ideas and suggestions that might work for you and your wife, like naked Twister or strip Scrabble – or you can focus on a sexy theme, like having professional shiatsu massages, a Japanese dinner with sake and sushi, and start sex in a pair of kimonos that slowly – or quickly – come off. You can purchase lingerie that puts you in the mood, or take special care of your body with manicures, pedicures, waxing and exercise classes that will make you more aware of your body and its sexual components. The list of play and external care of your body are infinite, limited only by yours and your partner’s own imaginations.
It’s terrific that you are comfortable enough to have an idea of what may work for you, and to experiment with it. These are the two components of a successful sex life relationship that most people strive for -- and you're already there! Most men don’t talk about the real details of sex among themselves the way women do, among themselves. But if they did, you’d find lots of men enjoying the same sex play you’re describing. And even more would wish that they had the courage to do so -- and the partners to support this kind of sex play. In fact, your letter alone is going to relieve a lot of men who wanted to try this, but were too concerned that it was weird or inappropriate for their partners. They’ll read this and realize that they’re not alone in their desires.
The thing that holds most men back from this sex play is their fear of sounding or looking stupid to their partners. Men hate to look stupid, and sometimes this keeps them from taking risks. Being inhibited is one of the biggest obstacles to overcome in order to have great sex. The less inhibited you and your partner can be, the more you’ll get to know this very intimate and private side of each other – and you’ll discover things about yourself that you didn’t even know. It’s a wonderful way to celebrate intimacy and your love, by taking your sex life to the next level.
And when you're ready for more... Of the five senses, every person and each couple have certain senses that, when stimulated, make their sex lives interesting and satisfying. The more trust you have with your partner, and the more confidence you have in yourself, the more you can experiment with touch, smell, hearing, sight and taste in your sex life. The sky’s the limit, really. You’ve pushed the envelope, and you’re doing fine! Enjoy!