How to Cope When Someone Says Negative Things About The Way You Kiss
Kissing Tips To Make You A Great Kisser
Dear April Masini,
I'm a high school senior, and I’m going to go to college next year. During my whole high school career I asked one girl out. She dumped me in a day. Then she told everyone I was a horrible kisser and I was too short. That ruined my chances with all the girls at my school. What really happened was when we were kissing my teeth kept hitting hers when we were making out. It was my first time so I totally didn’t know what to do. Now, I can't really talk to girls because I'm scared the same thing would happen."
Could you help me and give me advice on what I’m doing wrong and give me some tips on how to do it right? Next year is college and I really want to make a good impression on the ladies.
Kiss And Tell
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Kiss And Tell,
The one thing you’re doing wrong is listening to gossip! Forget about what everyone’s saying. First of all, it's taking up too much of your time and energy. As a high school senior, I know you have better things to do with your time. This is also a good discipline to start -- people are going to be gossiping for the rest of your life, and if you get involved with the gossip, you're going to waste a lot of time in your life.
Second, you're letting the gossip affect you. Put your ego back in check. You just don’t like it because they’re saying negative things about you. If they were saying positive things about you, you’d probably believe that, too and get your ego over-inflated. Forget about what other people say about you -- especially when they're not people who are in your life or are only peripheral in your life. People talk. You have a choice as to listen or not. Choose wisely. Your time is valuable.
You were rejected -- by someone with very little tolerance for imperfect first kisses.
The bottom line is that you asked a woman out on a date. She said yes. You went on the date. You kissed. The kissing was not perfect (Gee, who would expect a first kiss to be perfect? Not a good kisser, that’s for sure. A good kisser would know that sometimes first kisses are awkward.). She dumped you.
What really happened? She was embarrassed about the kissing, and she didn’t want to tell people that the TWO OF YOU didn’t have great kissing chemistry, so she blamed it all on you, saying you were short and that YOU didn’t kiss well. First of all, last I heard it takes two to kiss! And she was part of the kiss. That she had the audacity to spread rumors about something as personal as your kissing is really petty, and guess what – you deserve a date who respects you and who understands that kissing is not something that’s perfect the first time – or even the second or third time. I mean, sure, sometimes it is, but sometimes it takes a little adjusting. And anyone who would dump a guy just because the kissing wasn't perfect on the first date may be missing out on someone who is Mr. Right, but who needs a little kissing practice. So, you got to see her true colors right away and you learned she is very uncomfortable when kissing isn't perfect. It's a shame that she might be missing out on someone great, like you, just because a kiss needed some work.
She insulted your height and spread rumors that you were short, and that's why she dumped you. Okay, you do the math with me: she accepted a date with you while you were short, and she ended the date and you were still short -- is she completely nuts? Did she think you were going to grow during the date? Your height is not something to be made fun of any more than anyone's personal attributes are fair game for teasing. If a man did what she did, and made fun of her breast size or some other body attribute and told everyone that that was the reason he dumped her, he'd be a very bad guy. Women have a tendency to get off with bad behavior a little more easily by society -- but not by me! I think she was just very embarrassed at her part in the awkward kissing, and wanted to distance herself as much as possible from it, by grasping at straws with which to insult you -- your height was one of those straws.
Rejection is a Gift:
So, relax. You had a date that wasn’t so great. Welcome to the wonderful world of dating – and in case you haven’t heard, dating is a numbers game -- as explained in my best selling book Date Out Of Your League You’re not going to have a great date every time you take someone out. In fact, not every woman you ask out on a date is going to say yes. And guess what – at some point a woman may ask you on a date and you may not say yes! Rejection is just part of life, and if you can look at it as a gift, and not a failure, then you’re ahead of the game when it comes to women. Make no sense? Let me explain.
Every time you get up to bat, you swing, but you don’t hit a home run. However, if you don’t swing, you don’t get the opportunity to hit a home run. The same is true of business. Salesmen have to make a lot of uncompleted sales before they close a deal. If they got so demoralized every time they heard, “No,” they’d never get back out there and keep plugging away until they finally did it! In dating, not every woman you meet is going to be Ms. Right – thank goodness! Otherwise, how would you choose? The truth is that dating is a process by which you figure out who you are, what you want in a partner, and who that partner is. What that means, in cold numbers is, you’re going to have to reject and get rejected a lot more than you strike gold. So allow rejection to be a time savings. You found out in one date that your choice wasn’t the right woman for you. Now, you don’t have to get emotionally invested, waste a lot of time and money, figuring out the same thing in three months that you were lucky enough to find out in one date. Now, you can look for someone who’s going to be fun!
Now, as for kissing, I have to tell you that practice does make perfect. Next time you have the opportunity to kiss a woman, start out slowly. Rushing is not a good thing to do when kissing. Don’t give her a peck, like you would your great aunt Millie. Kiss her on the lips softly and slowly. Don’t open your mouth too much – in fact at first, just part your lips a little. This will keep anyone’s teeth from hitting anyone else. Don't keep your eyes open the whole time. As you put your lips on hers, close your eyes, and when you take your lips off of hers, open them. If that kiss works, go in for another kiss, gently parting your lips a little more the second time, and a little more the third time. A lot of new kissers make the mistake of trying to emulate “movie kisses” that look like real passion. What you may forget is that those are actors who practice that kiss until they get it right, and they’re paid to get it right! You and your date can enjoy the process of kissing and get to know what each other likes.
Don’t be afraid to make a mistake or laugh. If she does something you like, tell her, softly, “I like when you do that.” And then kiss her again. On the second or third date – or whenever you get to kissing more you can ask her, softly, what she likes. Don’t rush. Women don’t want to be rushed when they’re kissing. And don’t be afraid to laugh if something goes awry while you’re kissing. Having a sense of humor and fun can be very sexy to women. They want to know that you’re not nervous and that you’re enjoying yourself with them. They want to feel like they’re being good kissers, too.
Don’t feel pressured by going into your first year of college, where it seems like everyone is so much more experienced than you, and that you have to impress the ladies. You will impress them most if you’re not rushing and if you’re “in the moment” and focused on having a nice time and expressing your feelings in your kisses, but mostly, you'll impress them if you're honest in your words and actions -- and that includes your kisses.