How To Heal After A Divorce
Advice to Restore Your Faith in Love After a Break Up
Dear April Masini,
I have always been a believer in true love and relationships, which is why I waited until I found Mr. Perfect before I got married. When I finally got married at age 40, it was the most beautiful time in my life. Through all sorts of miracles, we had two amazing daughters and it looked like we would be together forever. Until, after less than 10 years of being married, my husband left me. This came out of nowhere and shattered all of my illusions about love and relationships. I am so distraught by the thought of starting over, especially since I work full-time and am exhausted all the time. It took me 40 years to find the one I thought was the love of my life; how will I possibly find a new love? Honestly, I've lost faith in romance and miracles and don't even want to start dating. Do you have any advice that will help restore my faith about the possibilities?"
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Lost Hope,
Losing faith in romance and miracles is not a bad place to start when dating after age 40, after divorce. Miracles and romance are great, but it's hard to find them at Wal-Mart, Niemans, or even online. In fact, I'd recommend not looking for them in other people. Romance and miracles are really conditions that happen from within one's self, and you are not ready for romance or miracles. Not at all. The relationship advice you need is regarding your relationship with yourself.
So how about starting out with asking yourself the question, is this really the right time for you to date? You may need some rest and relaxation first. You can't date or be in a relationship and do it well if you're exhausted, let alone bitter. Figure out what is making you exhausted, and work on curing that much bigger problem. You will also need time to heal from the wounds of your divorce and long-term marriage dissolving. Regardless of what a jerk he was, it's still a loss and a change. A big change. For some people, taking six months to not date at all is very productive.
When you're ready to face the world with your best face forward, then, and only then, is the time to start dating. You pull in what you put out, and if you're bitter and exhausted, you're going to attract other people who are bitter and exhausted.
There are PLENTY of good men out there. But you have to be your best self to attract them.
If you'd like very specific relationship advice for women, pick up my book Think & Date Like A Man.