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How to Keep Your Relationship Sexy After Having A Baby

How to Keep Your Relationship Sexy After Having A Baby

How to Keep Your Relationship Sexy After Having A Baby

Don't Let Your Baby's Arrive Signal the End Of Sex In Your Relationship

Advice Seeker :
Dear April Masini,

I just had a baby, and while I knew my life would change drastically, I had no idea it would be this different. First of all, I used to be thin and sexy, now I'm just plain fat. My husband and I barely have any sex life because we're always up with the crying baby. And even when we do get the baby to sleep, I feel anything but sexy and have no sex drive at all. While having a baby has definitely brought my husband and I closer together in our relationship, I feel like it's also driving us apart. We're both so stressed all the time! Do you have any advice or tips for what we can do to get our close relationship back again?

Mommy Blues


April Masini's Advice :

Dear Mommy Blues,

You've just had a baby. The most miraculous experience on earth. Congratulations! Now for the reality check.
Things you lose: Your absYour sleepYour sex drive Don't get me wrong -- I'm all for babies -- and lots of 'em, but the trick is to keep your marriage thriving while you're integrating this new bundle of joy into your life -- and your marriage. Sounds like you need some help, so I'm here to offer you some advice on how to keep your inner babe after having a baby!

Keep the X in Your Sex Life

After childbirth, the last thing you feel like is sex. No, there's nothing wrong with you -- or your marriage -- as long as you acknowledge that your hormones are crashing and possibly contributing to your feeling this way. You may have post partum depression without realizing it, and especially if you're nursing, your sex drive is pretty much gone. Your sex appeal is at risk because you're whipping out your boobs to nurse your baby at all hours, and they don't feel so much like sex toys any more as much as part of a milk machine.

But don't forget your husband. While you are earth mother divine, and you have just done an amazing thing by having this baby, your husband is important to you -- and to your child. So take care of him – to take care of both you and your baby.

3 Tips for New Moms to Keep the Romance Going

  1. Make a date with your husband. Even if it's just for intimacy, not sex. Don't feel guilty about hiring a babysitter (or your sister or mother) for a couple of hours. Pump some breast milk, and go out to lunch with your husband, just the two of you in a very grown up (don't you dare go near any restaurant that has a children's menu) restaurant. Build this into a routine. Three hours away you’re your baby, once a week, are not going to damage your baby psychologically or any other way.
  2. Even though you're exhausted, make an effort to look pretty. If you shower and put on some lip-gloss, you'll feel better. Get a manicure. Your hair and nails are growing like crazy now, anyway, so you need it. Even if you can't fit back into your pre-pregnancy clothes, buy some transitional clothes. Even some cute Juicy outfits in a size bigger than you usually wear will pep you up a little, and certainly make your husband proud and interested.
  3. Have some kind of sex with him -- even if you're not into it. It's part of the marriage deal. He does things for you that he's not that into -- like buying you jewelry or visiting your family for a week, etc. Just look at it as taking care of your partner. If intercourse is out of the question for a few weeks because you had an episiotomy and/or a natural birth, then consider oral sex or other forms of sex that are pleasing to him. It's a gift. Give as gracefully as you can -- even though you haven't slept in a week. It's an investment in your marriage. It will also make him appreciative and grateful.

I also wrote a great book called Romantic Date Ideas, which includes date ideas for couples who are in long term relationships or married, and gives ideas for dates with and without children -- for times like these when you're in danger of getting into a romance rut.