How To Tell Someone Their Spouse Is Cheating
What Should You Say To Your Friend When Their Spouse Is Cheating?
Dear April Masini,
My best friend has been married for several years to the love of her life. At first glance, they appear to be the quintessential American couple. However, I recently discovered her husband is cheating on her with his colleague. I really want to tell her the truth about his infidelity but don't know how to go about delivering such bad news. Do you have any advice on how I can inform her about her relationship without ruining my relationship with her? I need help!
Sincerely, Friend in Predicament"
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Friend in Predicament,
Delivering bad news is more important than delivering good news because the messenger becomes so much a part of the message — more so than when good news is delivered.
The context and the news itself temper the advice I give — different news and different situations require different methods and sensitivities. Overall, here are some tips for delivering bad news.
- Don’t delay. Many people put off delivering bad news because they don’t want to face the disappointment the bad news delivery will bring. However, the longer you procrastinate and put it off, the more complicated the delivery will become. Just do it now.
- That said, deliver the bad news during a good time of day and in a quiet place. Don’t tell someone bad news at midnight when they’re exhausted. Don’t wake them up at 5 a.m. to tell them what you just learned — unless it’s a death or a birth. Don’t tell them in the middle of a family dinner. Don’t tell them as they’re about to walk into an important meeting — unless it’s a death or a birth.
- Be factual. Don’t talk about your feelings. This isn’t about you. Get your ego out of it, and just state the facts.
- Listen. Again, this isn’t about you. No one’s asking your opinion or advice. Deliver the news. Sit there and listen to the person react.
I hope this helps!