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Is Your Spouse Tempted to Cheat? Are You?

Is Your Spouse Tempted to Cheat?  Are You?

Is Your Spouse Tempted to Cheat? Are You?

The Cheater Checklist - Be Aware of Warning Signs That One of You Is Going to Stray

Advice Seeker :
Dear April Masini,

I've often heard that you can spot a cheater from miles away. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. But do you have any signs I should look for?  

Sincerely,  Stop Cheating Before It Starts 


April Masini's Advice :

Dear Stop it Before it Starts,

Sometimes it's impossible to determine if a partner is going to cheat until it happens. But of course, there are some signs you may be able to pick up on that will give you a heads up your partner is thinking about cheating.

The 10 Warning Signs That One of You Is Going to Stray

  1. Are you unhappy? Not just in the relationship -- but in general. If you have problems, there is a tendency to look for answers in other people. It doesn't mean that anyone who's unhappy will stray -- but it does mean that people who are not happy may look elsewhere for answers to their problems.
  2. Did you get committed too quickly? Anyone who jumps deep into a relationship quickly may have been on the rebound and made a mistake, or may be a serial monogamist. Beware of both of those situations.
  3. Addictive personality. People with addictive personalities tend to jump from one thing to another. They are more prone to chaos than steady relationships. With that comes cheating. If your partner or you have an addictive personality, keep it in check.
  4. You're a booty call -- not a date. If all your dates with your partner start at 10 p.m. or later, and they rarely involve going out, you can be pretty sure you're his or her booty call, and he's got other things going on, on the side.
  5.  Is he or she all about me, me, me? If your partner (or you) is narcissistic, they are going to put themselves first. Every time. Even when it comes to sex. Someone narcissistic will rationalize cheating.
  6. Do they lie? If your partner lies about some things, and you find that he or she is lying about a LOT of things, there is a strong chance that they're lying to you about fidelity, too.
  7. Risk junkies. If your partner loves risk, they may subject your relationship to the risk of cheating, hoping you won't find out. Watch out for risk takers. They take risks all over.
  8. Does your partner want out -- but can't get out? If a partner doesn't want to be in a relationship they will find a way to get out of it -- one way or another. And if they don't have the self esteem to confront you and/or break up in a normal fashion, they may cheat and want to get caught as a cowardly way of getting out of the relationship. So if you think your partner wants out -- watch out.
  9. Intimacy issues. If your partner doesn't feel that they are worthy of a relationship then they will find a way to get out of the relationship, and cheating is one way. Anyone who has trouble maintaining relationships in other areas of life, may have trouble maintaining one with you. Cheating is a way out of intimacy.
  10. Do you or your partner have an ex in town with who you have unresolved issues? This is a hotbed (no pun intended -- or maybe there is a pun intended!) for cheating. If you or your partner didn't resolve a historic break up, and that ex is in town and wants to see you -- there's a good chance that ex sex may happen, and that spells cheating for you.