Online Love Or Hookup?
Hook Up Now, Love Later
Dear April Masini,
I'm getting so frustrated with dating! I feel like I go out on date after date and never meet anyone that I have chemistry with inside and outside of the bedroom. I'm wasting so much time going on dates. There are tons of websites that offer services for people who want to meet other people just to hook up. If I used one of these sites, I'd know right away what kind of chemistry my date and I have. I'd love a long-term relationship, but if I find someone I'm compatible with in bed, I can take it from there instead of the other way around. What do you think? Do you have any dating advice that will help me find a relationship?"
Hook Up Now, Love Later
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Hook Up Now, Love Later,
Hooking up has replaced dating for many teens, young adults, and even mature adults. Technology has contributed to this hooking up and its rapid proliferation. How? I'll tell you.
Sex has always been sold on the web in spite of the fact that it's illegal. Pornography has run rampant on the internet because technology has exploded faster than enforcement of laws that protect minors and adults from illegal activity and abuse.
One of the derivative behaviors of this trend is hooking up. While selling sex has become big business, loss of intimacy and the divorce rate has soared exponentially. Kids are taught sex education in school, but they are not taught about honesty, intimacy, and healthy relationships. So, it's no surprise that hooking up, rainbow parties where pre-teen and teenage girls with different color lipsticks leave a rainbow on boys for whom they perform oral sex, and sex dates, are now the norm.
Looking for a long-term relationship?
You sound like someone looking for a long-term relationship, and I advise women who want a lasting, monogamous relationship not to use sex dates, hooking up, or sex date services as a substitute for intimacy or a real relationship. I get an inordinate number of letters and e-mails from readers who mistake sex for a relationship. Men have sex because they can. If you're willing, they're there. Men using these sex date services are looking for sex, nothing more.
Sex is more available than ever in more forms than were ever imagined -- and images of what you can get or consent to are also available thanks to the internet. However, for someone looking for a real relationship, true dating sites are also great ways to expand your options of finding a real relationship -- not just a sex date. You might have to go out with a few guys, but chances are, you'll eventually find someone you're compatible with, inside AND outside the bedroom!
For more advice on how to find your dream man, check out my book, Think & Date Like a Man.