Perfect Guy, But He Lives With His Parents
Advice For When Your Date Still Lives With His Mom and Dad
Dear April Masini,
I have been on a few dates with one of the greatest guys I've met in a while but I'm in desperate need of some advice. The chemistry with my new man is great, he has a good job, and he has been treating me really well. All signs are a go, but last night he dropped the biggest bomb: he still lives with his parents! He says that he's saving money to buy a house, but he's in his 30s and has a good job, so that doesn't make sense to me. It's too early to pry further. Should I just give up on him, assuming he's too immature, or should I see how this all pans out?"
Sincerely, Living Alone and Loving It
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Living Alone and Loving It,
It MIGHT not be as bad as you think! You need to look at some things you decide whether his living at home is OK with you.
Advice for deciding it's OK that he lives at home:
- Why, oh why? Figure out why he's living at home. If he's truly in transition -- meaning he's been living at home for three months or less and has a plan for moving out -- then he may not fail to launch. If he's been there for more than three months and he has no viable plan for leaving, you're dating a launch pad failure.
- If he wants to get to home base with you, his home base better be his own base. Don't make his home base OK for you. If he's living at home and wants to invite you to his parents house as if it's truly his own, take three steps backwards -- and then run. If you make his living situation OK, you're complicit in your failure to launch date. If you make it clear that you really like him, and want to date him more, but you don't want to be at his folks house for anything other than dinner with all of you -- including his folks -- and after you're serious about him -- then he'll get the picture. You're here for now, but not for the long run as long as he's at mom and dad's.
- Give yourself a limit. It's really easy to put ultimatums on him. Believe me, he's had a lot more than yours on his plate. What is going to be more effective is for you to give yourself an ultimatum. It should sound something like this: If he's still living with his parents in eight more weeks, I'm going to stop dating him and move on to greener pastures.
When it's a great idea to date a 30-something guy who lives with his parents
- You don't want a mature, committed relationship.
- You need a date for certain events and parties, but you're not really interested in anything beyond that.
- You're 30-something and you live with your parents, and his parents have a better place than yours!
And if you decide to put yourself back on the market after assessing the "big but," check out my dating and relationship advice book, Think and Date Like a Man for some important dating and relationship advice.