Soul Mate Search
Do We All Only Have One True Love?
Dear April Masini,
I go out on dates all the time, but still haven't found "the one," my soul mate. Add to that the fact that it seems like everyone I know is divorced or having terrible relationship problems, and I'm really starting to panic. Do you think there's one person out there for everyone? And do you have any tips or advice for how I can find mine?"
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Soul Searching,
What I'm about to say might shock you, so prepare yourself - I don't think there's any such thing as a "soul mate." This may sting, I know, it hurts. But the truth will do that to you.
According to popular notions, we each have one person out there who is literally perfect for us. They fulfill us in every way - emotionally, intellectually, monetarily, sexually, and on and on. They are, we are told, our destiny. As if they were created just for us, and we for them.
But, Soul Searching, you're right to look at the skyrocketing divorce rates and more often than not troubled relationships to see what a bunch of malarkey this idea is! Plus, do you know the odds of finding your "one" on a planet that has more than 6 billion people? I'm no mathematician, but I think that's a one-in-six-billion chance. In other words, not very likely.
This isn't to say that I don't believe in romance, though, or great relationships, or love, or marriage. Because I do. But I actually think that our quest for a soul mate is stopping us from finding those things!
We Women Can Be Our Own Worst Enemies
You're probably wondering how could a belief in our one true love actually stop us from finding love?
Simple. People - all people - are complex. Stay with someone long enough, and there's a 100% guarantee they'll surprise you (and not in a good way), or hurt you, or disappoint you. That's why relationships, no matter how fantastic they are, take work and compromise and understanding. And if you have this undying belief in a soul mate (who would of course, never surprise you, or hurt you, or disappoint you), you're going to be in for a rude awakening, and will ultimately be spending your days alone. No one will ever measure up to your idealized notion of "the perfect partner."
Okay, Soul Searching, I realize this may not be what you wanted to hear, so let's try and compromise - we'll take your romantic dreams and combine them with my practical applications - and together, we'll redefine what a "soul mate" is!
The New Soul Mate Is:
Someone who fulfills us - emotionally, intellectually, monetarily, sexually, and on and on - but is not infallible.
Someone who, despite their love for us and ours for them, can still do and say things that we don't agree with, and annoy us - and even hurt us.
Someone who may not have been made for us, but is willing to work to make it seem like they were made for you, and you were made for them!
And importantly, now is the time:
Ladies, if you'd like a book full of tips for dating a new man, pick up my book Think & Date Like A Man... it will help you find the man of your dreams, get him, and keep him.