The Truth About Why Single Women Remain Single
Divorced, Widowed, Never Married - Why Women Remain Single
Dear April Masini,
I'm very concerned because two of my daughters who are in their late 30s are still single and my oldest daughter is newly single after a divorce. It seems like a very worrying trend and I'm noticing friends, relatives, and neighbors who are single or divorced. They are not worried about it at all and embrace their single status! Is there a cause to be concerned and why is it happening all over the place? It seems so common now than before!"
Sincerely, Mom of Single Girls
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Mom of Single Girls,
There are certain types of single women, and yes, it is becoming more common but it is nothing to fret about. It happens by personal choice or in inevitable situations such as:
The Widowed Woman
Women alone in middle age because they are widowed, are just circumstantial singles. There was nothing that they did or didn’t do to make them single at this time.
The Divorced Woman
Women alone in middle age because they are divorced are more single for more complicated reasons:
a) Women who are left by their husbands may see themselves as victims, but that’s just one way to spin things. A more realistic view, and a more helpful view to take is to acknowledge their responsibility in the divorce and figure out why they chose someone who turned out to be the way he did, and what they, as women, have learned about themselves from the process of the divorce.
– Many of these women learn that they are happier and/or more content as singles than as parts of a couple.
– Others of these women are still in the process of figuring out what it is that they want in a partner, if a partner is what they want.
– Still others continue making mistakes and having trouble being in a relationship, if that is what they want.
b) Women who have left their husbands may be happier as singles or they may be happier at the moment as singles. Some of them want to be part of a couple, but are still figuring out what it is that they want in a partner now. And still others want to be in a couple, but are making mistakes (new and old mistakes!) that keep them from being in a long-lasting couple.
The Still Single Woman
There are lots of reasons that women in midlife are still single, starting with:
- They choose not to be in a relationship.
- They don’t know how to make a relationship work.
- They have a clinical fear or other psychological reason that they can’t be in a relationship.
- They have health problems that keep them from wanting to commit.
- They have a consuming job that keeps them from having the time to be in a relationship.
- They are single mothers who don’t have enough time to be in a relationship.
- They have family obligations with elderly parents or other relatives that keep them from having the time for other relationships.