Tips For Understanding How Women's Bodies Work
Advice for Making Women Feel Good In Bed
Dear April Masini,
Even though I've been with a few different women over the years, I'm embarrassed to admit - I really don't know what's going on "down there" with them. Now that I have a girlfriend who I really care about, it's important to me that she has an orgasm, but I'm not sure exactly how to make sure it happens. Do you have any tips on how I can be sure to please her?"
Signed, Anatomically Challenged
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Anatomically Challenged,
A number of e-mails I've received lately - yours included - have thrown the whole idea of the selfish male lover right out the window. In letter after letter, guys are writing to tell me they're actually worried their wives or girlfriends aren't experiencing great sex! They want to know why it is that their woman doesn't seem to understand her own body, gets uncomfortable at the thought of receiving oral sex, and in some cases, has never even had an orgasm. Ok, before we go any further I want to recommend that you read my column called Pleasing A Woman EXCERPT: "Learning how to sexually please your woman - and any woman, for that matter - means putting her needs before your own (at least initially), learning what turns her on, and not being afraid to put your money where you mouth is, so to speak."
That, and I recommend that you also pick up my best-selling book, Date Out Of Your League, and read the chapter called Between the Sheets .... Trust me, you’ll reap the rewards in spades for putting a little effort in now.
Wanted: A Sexually Experienced Virgin
Now then, Mr. Anatomically Challenged (and all you other similarly struggling guys and girls out there), I'm here to tell you that you are most definitely not alone. Although we certainly live in a much more sexually free era than, say, our parents' generation, negative attitudes about sex, lack of understanding, and feelings of guilt are still very much a part of our culture - especially when it comes to women. Just think about it: we're supposed to be virginal but knowledgeable, demure yet hot, sexy, but not slutty. That's a tough bill to fill and can leave a lot of us confused. And add to that the influence of culture, religion, and complex physical anatomy, and it's a wonder we women ever have sex at all!
That being said, most of us are (or would like to be) having sex. Great sex. Passionate sex. Exciting sex. Fulfilling sex. And you can help your lady to have terrific sex, too. All that might be required is a little lesson in biology 101 and some understanding, communication, and patience from you.
About "Know-How" -- Sometimes Practice Makes Perfect:
Part of the know-how is reading the other person’s responses and knowing what to do and what not to do. Some techniques will work, and some won’t work – but if they don’t work, don't write them off until you’re sure it’s preference and not inexperience which makes them fail. Sometimes practice makes perfect.
When it comes to genitalia, you guys have got it easy. After all, it's all there - out in the open. Ours, on the other hand, is hidden, curvaceous, layered. It takes some exploring to really get to know where things are, and how they work. Amazingly, even few women could distinguish or name all the various parts.
But if there's one spot you and she both should know, it's the G-spot, and it very well may not be where either of you thinks.
The G-spot is found about two inches from the vaginal opening. It is a small mass of tissue that actually enlarges during sex (sound familiar, guys?). The G-spot is connected to that part of the brain that causes orgasms, so, when it's stimulated (through pressure only, not touching), your girl will experience fantastic and powerful orgasm! But, lucky her, that's not the only kind she can have.
The Orgasm: Free at last!:
There are actually two main types of orgasms a woman can experience: clitoral and vaginal. Guys are usually surprised to find out that the former is actually more intense for most, so all that "in and out" is actually not what's doing it for her (though we more than understand it's what is doing it for you). Rubbing her in the right places while you're in is important.
But wait, you might be thinking, "my girl can't experience any type of orgasm, let alone this kind or that." If this is the case, you've got some questions to ask her to find out what's really going on. Questions like:
- Has she had an orgasm before? - If so, how was it brought about? - Can she have them when she masturbates/Does she masturbate? - Does it help when she receives oral sex? - What else can you do to make her feel good? - Does she feel satisfied sexually without orgasm?
Interestingly, some women can be satisfied without reaching orgasm every time. The problem occurs when they rarely or never do. If that sounds more like your woman, and you both already understand the way her body works, you and she both may have bigger issues on your hands, as this can be a sign of a lack of an emotional connection between the two of you (key for a woman's sexual experience), complicated feelings about sexuality, or a troubled history.
In any case, the best thing you can do is learn about her body together (books and fun videos on the subject abound), ask intimate questions, never condemn her for a lack of understanding, and have lots and lots of different types of sex. Homework like that is enough to make anyone want to go back to school!