Tips for Understanding Men and How They Play the Dating Game
Advice On Understanding How Men Think and Behave
Dear April Masini,
OK, maybe it's me...but I just do not get men, especially when it comes to dating. I'm not bad looking, and I'm not stupid, but I have no luck with men. It's almost like we're speaking different languages or something. Can you offer me some dating advice for understanding men?"
Sincerely, Me No Speak Man-Talk
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Me No Speak Man-Talk,
You aren't the only one struggling, and your anology is a great one! As I explain in my book Think & Date Like A Man, men differ from women in so many ways, especially in how they think – in this case, how they think about women, about sex, about dating, about romance and about relationships. Now, if you were trying to make a business deal with, say, a Japanese CEO, wouldn't it make sense to learn how the Japanese think and speak?
Attracting a man is no different than scoring a successful deal
You want something from (or better with) him – a relationship. Mastering the intricacies of the mind of your prospective mate is the key to attaining him – and keeping him. So learn his language. Learn his thought processes. And be prepared for success because that understanding will greatly increase your odds of getting what you want. I know because I've experienced it personally, as have countless women I've enlightened about "Man-Think."
Here's an example: Unlike a woman, a man does not worship at the altar of the relationship. He does not throw himself body and soul into developing and nurturing the relationship. He does not fall apart like a house of cards if The Relationship doesn't work out. It's not that a relationship wouldn't be important to him at some point down the line. And it's not that he can't commit or isn't capable of real love. It's just that the relationship isn't the be-all and end-all of his existence.
What is the be-all and end-all of a man's life?
He is. His needs, his desires, and his goals are. Men were not brought up to please everyone around them like most women were. Men have been doted on and waited on by over attentive mothers since birth. While girls were learning how to make boys happy, boys were learning how to make themselves happy. As a result, men have learned that THEY are the center of the universe. Not you. Not the relationship. Does this mean that men will never want a relationship? Of course it doesn't.
A relationship with you could very well be on a man's list of desires. But if it is, it's probably not his only desire or even the most important one to him. On the list of things important in his life, getting to know you could be ranked number 3, 7, or 12, along with his career, exercising, sports, his male friends, his family, his female friends, his hobbies, his penis, his quest to find himself, his search for an autographed photo of Angelina Jolie on eBay, or even his desire to simply be alone for a while.
And just as you are hopefully on his list of life essentials, you are certainly not the only one on that list. To men, dating is a numbers game. He's not waiting by the phone for you to call. He's not planning his weekend around you and your schedule. He's getting out there, increasing the odds — his odds — at least, for now. At least, until you both have mutually made that agreement of exclusivity. Until then, he's not marrying you, he's not getting engaged to you, he's not committing to you; he is dating. He is dating you, just like he is dating other women. He's finding out what's out there, what he likes, what he needs. That's what a man does. That's how a man thinks. That's how a man dates.
And that's what you should do, how you should think, and how you should date – if you hope to eventually have that mutual commitment. Because if he gets wind of your worship at the altar of The Relationship before he's even considered what's between the two of you, he'll be out the door.
Here is a portion of my Man-Think quiz, also excerpted from the book.
Man-Think Self Assessment Quiz
Now, let's determine how sharp your Man- Think skills are and how much fine-tuning you need to Think and Date Like Man.
1. What do guys dislike doing most on a date?
a. Going to the ballet.
b. Going clothing shopping.
c. Talking about where The Relationship is heading.
d. Being asked about their past relationships.
2. How do you know if a guy really likes you?
a. He brings you flowers.
b. He courts you with gifts and restaurant meals.
c. He introduces you to his friends.
d. He tells you.
3. What does it mean when a guy has sex with you?
a. He loves you.
b. He's ready for an exclusive relationship with you and only you.
c. He's attracted to you and you were willing.
d. He wants to have children.
[C] While ballet, clothing shopping, and past relationship talk are about as much fun for a guy as getting a root canal, bringing up where The Relationship is heading is like getting that same root canal – without the anesthesia.
[D] Oh, sure—flowers, gifts, meals, and friends are nice, but guys are pretty straight - forward. Chances are if they care for you, you'll hear about it. And you just can't put a price on "I like you."
[C] When a guy has sex with you, it means he's attracted to you and you were willing. Period. I take that back – he may or may not be attracted to you. It means he's horny and you were willing. Are guys that shallow? Hmmm, let me think… yes.