What Does It Mean If Your Boyfriend Is Always Cheap ?
The Super Cheap Get Aways... Decode The Message Behind Too Cheap Weekend Getaway Planning
Dear April Masini,
I have been dating a guy for about a year, and since we started dating, we've been going on weekend trips. He typically plans them, but it's gotten to the point that I hate going away with him. We get along fine, but he has the worst taste in weekend getaways. We are constantly going away to houses that his friends or family own and that cost us nothing, or else staying in cheap hotels. And when we are on our trip, he always wants to gamble or go watch sports--two of my least favorite activities."
Does this mean my boyfriend is too selfish or doesn't care about me? Do you have any tips for what I can do?
Sincerely, Gotta Getaway
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Gotta Getaway,
Let's start with the most obvious issue: your boyfriend seems to be a bit too cheap to spring for a nice weekend getaway. What does that say about him?
Relationship Advice - What Cheap Weekends Say About Your Significant Other
There's gonna be a whole lot of frugal going on. Look forward to dinners without appetizers and coupon clipping. That's one facet of behavior you can expect from those too cheap to splurge on a nice weekend getaway.
Another behavior you have to look forward to from this kind of date is that couple time and "the relationship" will not take priority to finances, scheduling, other family obligations, work, etc. Splurging on a weekend getaway is not just about luxury. We all have choices where we spend our money. People who choose not to invest in a relationship put a relationship lower down on the priority list.
Expect presents to be practical rather than luxurious. The engagement ring you may get from someone who doesn't splurge on getaway weekends is not going to be a rock. It's going to be bling enough. Presents will do the trick, but they won't stun and amaze anyone.
In addition, if you are planning to have kids with this person, expect them to pull the same frugal routine on the kids.
This doesn't mean that a frugal person is a bad date or a bad spouse. Au contraire. This person can be responsible and a knight on a white horse because your mortgage will be paid on time, your car will be bought, your insurance policies will be kept up -- and you'll have a traditional life without a lot of fireworks.
It just means you have to adjust your expectations and compatibility meter. Make sure you're okay with this.
Watch out for signs of frugality that are really signs of stinginess. If your date is stingy with weekends AND other things like time, seeing your family as opposed to his, splitting the check on dates, etc., he or she may be stingy with love among other things.
What Borrowing the Family Vacation Home Says
Casual living suits him. The wonderful thing about the family beach house or a holiday Inn in the mountains is that it doesn't take much advanced planning and all pretenses are off. You don't have to "dress" for dinner at these places. This is someone who incorporates getting away into his life. It doesn't rule out other weekend trips on cruise ships or all-inclusive resorts.
But, if it does, you may have a guy who's lazy on your hands. He may not want to do the planning for a weekend away. This means either you do the planning, which some women are fine with, or you go with the flow and do whatever he wants, or you get a travel planner or an executive assistant to do the planning for you.
And As for Him Focusing On His Own Fun and Not Yours
It says he's taking care of his needs. Now, there's NOTHING wrong with that, as long as he then plans a reciprocal trip that's all about you needs. Or if you can make some kind of a deal where the trip is about him, but something else you wants -- like Thanksgiving at her family's house this year -- is all about you.
Relationships are about balancing your own needs with your generosity towards your partner. Ideally, he'll want you to have your needs met -- and you'll want her needs met, too. So taking a trip that's all about you is fine as long as there's something in it for her. And if he's a real good guy, he'll be generous with the reciprocal part.
People who make relationships work are generous people.
For romantic date ideas on a budget check out my book Romantic Date Ideas.