What to Do When He Doesn't Call
Advice On Reading His Behavior and Learning That Rejection Can Be a Gift
Dear April Masini,
I have a crush on this guy at my health club. He is really sweet and nice but I just am not sure if he likes me or not. I called and asked him to come over and watch a movie the other night; he came over and we ended up having sex. I didn't hear from him for a few days after that so I called just to say hi and everything seemed normal. After a few more days I asked him to hang out again and we had sex again. But I haven't heard from him since. I know he just got out of a relationship, so I think he's trying to be really careful and move slowly. It's frustrating that I've been doing all of the calling and the inviting, but I am afraid that if I don't he will just forget about me if I don't. Do you have any dating advice for me?"
Signed, Why Doesn't He Call?
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Why Doesn't He Call?,
Immediately: stop calling him. Immediately: stop inviting him to do things. You are the woman in this relationship and that means you have to act differently than the man – not take on the man’s role – which is what you’ve started doing. Men love to hunt and chase – in life and in relationships. They want a woman that they feel is a valuable prize – someone that they had to hunt down, chase, woo and win. They don’t respect women who are too easy, and just because you two make out or even have sex – it doesn’t mean he likes you – it means you were willing. So stop being so willing, and back away from the wreckage.
Men Have Sex Because They Can:
If he has just gotten out of a relationship, the last thing he’s going to want to do, as a man, is jump into another serious relationship. He’s going to want to date around – and he should. He should want to spend time being single and figuring out what he wants in life before he gets seriously involved again, and if what he wants is a relationship, he needs to figure out what he wants in the relationship. Right now, if you get involved with him you will be a casualty of his breakup. You're his rebound relationship -- if that. But I don't really think it's even that. He’s not calling you because he doesn’t want to. He’s not inviting you to do things because he doesn’t want to. Read his behavior for what it is. Lack of interest.
Rejection Is A Gift - Accept It And Use It:
Sorry if that’s harsh, but I’d rather see you be in a serious relationship with someone who wants to be with you, then be with someone who’d rather do something else than be with you. You are too valuable to waste your time with someone who doesn't appreciate you or want you. And that’s exactly how you should look at rejection – as a gift that can point you in the right direction once it is recognized and accepted. There are a lot of men you can be with if you want to, and you should not want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. So use this rejection as a time-saver, and figure out what it is you do want in a relationship, how to present yourself in order to get what you want, and then start dating eligible, available guys who want to be with you – not guys you call up or you ask out.
Oh – and did I mention this: NEVER make the first move in kissing or sex. If you do, you’ll be taking the opportunity away from the man to do what will make him feel most like a man – being in charge in the sexual relationship (and yes – kissing is part of a sexual relationship).
My biggest piece of advice to you, since you are new to dating, is to buy book Think & Date Like A Man, it will help you understand how men think and why they behave the way they do. Think & Date Like A Man is relationship advice for women on how to get the man you want -- and keep him.