Why It's Necessary To Risk Rejection and Be True To Yourself
Advice to a Soldier Who Realizes He Loves a Woman on the Eve of Shipping Out, But is Afraid to Tell Her
Dear April Masini,
I met this girl in 3rd grade. Ever since the second I laid eyes on her I knew she was special. We have become the closest of best friends over the past 10 years. And over those 10 years my crush has grown into an indescribable feeling for her. She is leaving for college in 4 months and I am leaving for the military. If I don't tell her how I feel now I may never get the chance. My legs start shaking when I even think about telling her. I don't know what to expect. What is the best way of telling her that I love her? I normally don't have a problem expressing my feelings but she is so special to me that I can't bare to think about losing her if I say the wrong things. Please help!"
Signed, Soldier In Love
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Soldier In Love,
You are about to embark on a very brave and very honorable mission as a member of the U.S. military. You are going to defend our country, and in doing so, you are going to risk your life to serve. This is a remarkable and mature decision on your part. It is also a mission that may make you realize that life is important. Working in the military you'll be dealing with life and death, and you may be realizing just how short life can be -- and that it is worth defending. All of this happening on the verge of your leaving civilian life to go into the military probably makes you realize that how important what you have around you, is.
Sometimes we take life for granted until we’re on the verge of possibly losing it. And I’m not suggesting you’re going to lose anything – but going into the military is brave because it’s risky and it can be dangerous. It gives you a perspective you may not have had before. You are suddenly realizing how important this woman who’s been in your life for ten years, is to you.
My gut instinct tells me that you’re not just afraid you’re going to lose her, but you’re about to lose life, as you know it. And you are most likely correct. You’re embarking on a life changing adventure and responsibility, and who knows where this will take you, or what will be at home for you when you do return. You will be well trained by the military for your duty, but you do not know what lies ahead -- no matter how well trained and prepared you are.
\You may be projecting your feelings of uncertainty and wanting to hold on, onto this woman. After all, you’ve known her for ten years and never said anything to her before. Yet now, on the verge of your going into the military, you’re having “indescribable” feelings. You’re brave enough to go into the military – and I suspect you’re brave enough to tell her how you feel. If you didn’t tell her how you felt or asked her out on a date in order start a meaningful relationship in the past maybe there was a good reason for that. Maybe now that you’re about to go into the military, you’re trying to hang onto life as you know it, and she’s the object of your ideas of life as you know it. Perhaps the indescribable feelings you’re having aren’t so much about her, but they’re about you, and about what you’re about to do, entering the military and moving on with your life – leaving your youth behind you, and becoming a man.
On the other hand, you may truly be in love, and while you’re brave enough to go to war for your country, you don’t have the courage to tell her how you feel because you’re afraid of rejection. Sometimes war is easier for men than women are. And if that’s the case, soldier, it’s time to face up to the enemy!
So start by thinking worst case scenario and work backwards. The worst case is possible rejection. Now, I want you start re-thinking rejection. Instead of a setback, think of rejection as a gift. You are a great guy, clearly. You deserve to give your love to a woman who wants it and will return it. The best way to find out if this is what you have in her is to put your cards on the table, and come clean with your feelings by acting on them.
You'll never know if she's the one if you don't ask her out on a date and start having a romantic relationship with her. If she isn’t someone who loves you back – or who could love you – as painful as it may seem, it’s way better to find out now than it is to waste another ten years with someone who isn’t worth your love and affection. If she’s not the one then you’ll know, and you can move on. If she is the one, then you know what you have in her, and you can treat her and your relationship with the same honor and value you have for your country. Now doesn't that make the worst case scenario seem not so bad?
You are serving your country -- now serve yourself. Find out if this woman has the same feelings for you that you have for her. Grab my book, Date Out Of Your League, for more support, and ask this woman out! And be grateful that you did the right thing by serving our country, and that that decision led you realize that you may have your one true love right here at home, waiting for your return.