Why Moms Develop Crushes on Other Men After Pregnancy
What Causes Women To Fantasize About Men Other Than Their Husband After Giving Birth?
Dear April Masini,
I'm really in love with my husband, but for some reason my sex drive just isn't there for him anymore. He seems to think it's because I just had our baby, and maybe he's partly right. But the problem is, I've been fantasizing about other men, like the manager at our local grocery store. Why isn't my sex drive there for my husband, but I'm getting turned on by other men?
Do you have any advice that will help me understand my sex drive and stop hurting my relationship?"
Sincerely, Fantasy Land
April Masini's Advice :
Dear Fantasy Land,
After women have children, their sex drives are sedated -- especially if they're nursing and not sleeping because of wakeful baby. It's easy to fantasize and develop crushes on men who are unattainable in order to deny the problem that is going on in their marriages usually -- that their husbands want sex, and they don't.
Another reason moms are often lead to "mom crushes" is that after a birth where the husband has a front row seat to the miracle of life, he may feel differently about sex with his wife. Whether or not this is right, appropriate, or justified, the reality is that it happens. When dad sees a baby coming out of his wife, the place that was just his, prior to the birth, is somehow different to him now.
Men sometimes have trouble seeing their wives as sex objects once the women become mothers. Her breasts which used to be play things for him are now utilitarian to the baby, and he may have mixed feelings or even negative feelings about sex with her after a child is born, and this may result in a depressed sex life, leaving mom to fantasize and have crushes elsewhere.
Many women who may feel inadequate because their sex lives wane after having a child make a pre-emptive strike by developing mom crushes on other men in order to blame the problem in their own sex lives with their husbands on their feelings for other men.
Lots of women let themselves go after they have children for a number of reasons. Without placing blame, their husbands may feel rejected or less interested in them sexually, and the women will fantasize elsewhere with mom crushes.